Journey to Heaven

2010-10-21T20:56:00.003-04:00

This is a book review I had to do for graduate school. Enjoy!

Book Review for “The girl’s guide to being a boss (without being a bxxxx)

“The girl’s guide to being a boss (without being a bxxxx) written by Caitlin Friedman and Kimberly Yorio is a very informative book loaded with very practical information that can be implemented easily. These phenomenal women wrote this book to empower women to become better leaders than their male counterparts. Women do not have good female role models and continue to make the same mistakes of being overbearing, brassy, or possessive. This book has several stories from female bosses that provide some great role models. Any woman who finds herself promoted to boss would benefit from this book. It also gives some great examples of the pitfalls of being the boss and how to avoid those pitfalls. One example of a pitfall given in the book is the trap of bad behavior.

This book was written out of thought and research. Kim and Caitlin run their own small business and have made some of the same bad behavior choices that make being a female and the boss a potent combination. They give viable information that is sure to assist any woman climbing the cooperate ladder. It gives the good, the bad, and the ugly of becoming the boss. It is very realistic in the expectations placed on the female in the role of boss.

This book covers many aspects of being the boss. It shares the reality of loneliness at the top. This book does not recommend being friends with, drink with, and socialize with your employees. I think this is very sound advice because it can cause employees to become self-conscious about not being the “favorite”. It also gives very practical tips on balancing family and job responsibilities. It discusses how delegation can be key for any successful boss. Delegation is not a dirty word but a way to ensure that employees know their value. It gives the boss opportunities to teach each employee, and to help each employee grow. It also helps the boss to prevent limiting their own professional success by doing everything on their own. One piece of usable advice that was given was to be on time when calling a meeting. It is rude and inconsiderate to make the employees wait when the boss has called a meeting and then doesn’t show up. It is important to be respectful of their time. It is necessary to find the strengths of the team and encourage each person to fulfill their potential. According to the authors of this book it takes more than encouragement to help employees to be successful. It takes training so the smart, hard worker has the skills to do their job effectively.

One of the best chapters in the book is about the evaluation process. If the boss is regularly checking in on the employees then nothing in the evaluation should come as a surprise to the employee. Day to day contact with their work will help the boss to give feedback through out the year so if they do have an area of concern it won’t surprise them. As much as reviews are dreaded they are necessary and recommended to do reviews four times a year. Only one of the four evaluations would be for a raise. The other three are to assist in the coaching process of mentoring your employees. It also gives plenty of opportunity to bring up concerns so if the employee is in jeopardy of being fired then there is no surprise. It gives them a fair opportunity and time frame to correct any shortcomings they are experiencing. The book even gives a sample review. This could be very helpful to a boss who is running a small business and needs a review process. While discussing the review process the five most common evaluation mistakes were incorporated. This information is so valuable to the new boss who may be doing the very first evaluations of their career. The other part of being the boss that I am sure is hated is the discipline of employees to include firing an employee. The book outlines what a drag this part of the job is but also how necessary this part of the job is. It is so thorough that it even gives some legal advice to consider along the way to firing an employee.

I enjoyed reading this book because it is well written in easy language. I think the authors provided the information they intended to provide. This book gave very practical information about taking care of oneself ‘s own needs first. If the boss isn’t healthy, rested, and cared for, then they cannot possibly care for the needs of their employees. The other practical information was about communication. Communication is the key! Set goals and then communicate them to the employees. It was noted that even with good communication an employee must be paid a worthy salary. If another employer offers a significant amount of money and half as much communication and employee is likely to take it. The ten practical steps to communicating your appreciation is very sensible information that will help to gain trust and good will from your employees. Everyone likes to feel appreciated and this information can help the boss to inexpensively show appreciation.

I would recommend this book to any woman who is focused on becoming the boss. It gives practical information on how to be a great boss but not and emotional boss. While at the same time, it gives a realistic view of expectations when a woman becomes the boss. I liked the examples it gave throughout the book to head off any of the issues that may arise. I am sure they were not able to cover all the scenarios in a little over 200 pages, but they did cover several that one may see in the time they are the boss. It is an easy read while it continues to hold your attention.

Fun for the Fall!

2010-10-10T17:59:00.002-04:00

Well, I know I haven't been here for awhile. I am taking three graduate school courses this semester. I am super duper busy. Life is good. Miss mommy and daddy, but thankful for each new day I am blessed with.

We have had some changes in the house. We have two young ladies living with us. They are in Master's Commission and we are their home openers. We must be crazy!

Hope you have a great fall!

That time of the year!

2010-03-18T13:58:00.002-04:00

Here we are! That time of the year!

Two years ago I spent my spring break with my dad and mom. Daddy died within 5 weeks. Last year I spent a few days of my break with mommy and she died 2 weeks later..... well it is spring break again. The good news.... no parent is left to die. The bad news..... no parent is left to die.

As I go thru the mundane parts of life I continue to feel the pain of not having my parents. I applied for my passport today and had to report my parents names and birth dates. My brain wouldn't even work... I couldn't even call to find them out. I had to try to figure it out and I couldn't even do simple math! It is amazing how our brains stop working at moments like that! I hope I got the dates right and I hope if I got them wrong it won't keep me from receiving my passport! I still miss mommy and daddy. I hope my brain will start working eventually!

Now, you may be asking why I need a passport. Well, Elisabeth and I are going on a mission trip this summer. We will spend 12 days in Venezuela! We are excited! We are preparing to send out support letters. We need prayer and financial support! Please pray for us. If you want to make a donation they should be sent to our church. We go to Raleigh First Assembly of God. Just put Venezuela in the memo with our names. They are tax deductible. Some of you will get letters in the mail... lucky you! :o)

Seriously, please pray. We need Jesus to go with us, and before us! Blessings!

Fighting

2010-02-20T21:29:00.002-05:00

I wonder if I will continue to fight the same demons until the day I go to heaven? Will I ever stop hearing them speak to me? Will my reality ever be brightly lit with truth?

Scholarship!

2010-02-08T21:35:00.003-05:00

I was chosen to receive a thousand dollar scholarship! I am so humbled, thrilled, and thankful! God always supplies. Since I am paying cash and taking it slow, every penny helps! I never thought I would receive a scholarship and I guarantee some of my grade school, junior high school and high school teachers didn't either! Mommy would be proud!

Wednesday would have been mommy and daddy's wedding anniversary! They are spending it with Jesus! There is peace in that knowledge.

Joel's sister is still very ill and running amuck! Please, continue to pray for his family.

Blessings!

Where are you going?

2010-02-03T20:42:00.002-05:00

Ever feel like you are spinning your wheels? Lately, I have felt very much like that. During the "snowed" in time, I have diligently worked on my homework. It is still not done. I don't mean to sound like a complainer! It is just a lot of work. The book is not that great either. I am using google for terms not found in the book. That helps, provided it is the correct term. I have a test coming up and I really want to do well. I have decided I want to get at least a B in the class. I know I should have a higher goal, but I am being realistic! I, naturally, would be tickled to have the A, but......

Joel's sister is very sick. She is not physically sick, but mentally ill. Those words are hard to write. It is so sad to see the young lady with so much potential be non-functional. I try to understand but most of all pray for her. It is difficult when she continues to put herself in bad situations. Joel's parents are broken over the situation. Please pray for them also.

I hope I get where I am going... and I hope you get where you are going! Blessings bloggy friends! :o)

nuff said....

2010-02-01T22:49:00.002-05:00

Snow Day!

2010-01-30T22:45:00.003-05:00

We had a great snow day! We have 6 inches of snow outside. I have worked on homework a good part of the day. I didn't even do any laundry: I always do laundry on Saturday! I even baked some homemade oatmeal raisin cookies and homemade mac and cheese! I have never made oatmeal cookies before and they turned out really good. Of course, there were some without raisins for the man who won't eat them with raisins. :o) I love him anyway!

We moved my desk into the corner of my bedroom. Why you ask? Well, the dining room was too noisy and it was annoying to keep asking everyone to be quiet. I found I was able to concentrate better in my quiet bedroom. Only problem... now everyone comes to my room and makes noise! LOL! Oh well, I am just thankful that I am loved! As for my class, I am still struggling along. Hopefully now that I have a more quite place to work I will "get" it! Getting that 4.0 has really caused me to pressure myself to get it again. Oh, be praying, I applied for a scholarship! I sure could use the money to pay towards my classes! I know God will provide no matter what!

God is good and I am thankful! The snow is beautiful! Hope your day was blessed!

Self Portrait!

2010-01-27T18:55:00.002-05:00

My class this semester is harder than I anticipated! :o)

Trapped!

2010-01-08T22:03:00.002-05:00

It has been a very busy week. I have worked 60 hours this week! WHEW! I feel like I could have easily worked another 60 and still not be done! I have been feeling a little trapped! Much like this cat!

Glad to be at the weekend! Now, I just need to get some homework done! Hope this weekend takes it slow and easy! :o)

2009-12-30T11:15:00.002-05:00

I liked this one.... and it is right up my alley with my dental background.

I haven't been writing much lately. Not for fun anyway. I have had a break from school and work. I have done nothing very useful with myself. I did unpack two boxes from the garage. Mom would be glad. I still have plenty more.

I got a 4.0 in my first semester of graduate school. Nothing like setting a high standard. I have never, ever gotten a 4.0 in my life. I will only take one class this next semester. Since we are paying cash, we can't afford for me to take more than one. It is okay though. Spring will be busy.

It has been a long year. Some good things and some not so good things, but as I look back I see God's blessing on me and my family. God has been merciful.

I haven't made any resolutions for the year. Although I don't remember making any last year (maybe I should look back at my blog), I did some big things. I lost 20 pounds and have managed to keep almost all of them off! I started graduate school and carried a 4.0. Those are two biggies.

The one life changing event that occurred was my mother's death. It has been very life changing. I am still navigating the loss of both of my parents.... I think in spite of all of that I am doing well. I am still on my journey to heaven.

One thing I am doing this year is a life journal. I am going to try to read my bible more. Thanks Sondie for the journals for my family! :o)

I did start a journal on January first last year... I have made it the entire year... I wrote in it everyday! I was proud of myself. I will journal again this next year. I have my journal ready to go.

I kept a log of the books I read last year. I read 30 books. Not great, but considering I took 4 months off for graduate school and didn't list the three books I read during those months, not too bad. I haven't looked at it closely to see how many non-fiction versus fiction I read, but I would like to read more this year.... not sure if that will happen, but I will continue my book log.

For a girl with no resolutions... I just came up with a few!

1. Read the Bible more.
2. Continue to journal.
3. Continue my book log.
4. At least keep my weight off and maybe take a few more off... may be impossible, but the doctor likes my weight right now!

I hope you all had a blessed year and l look forward to blogging in the next year! I may do more blogging... who knows! We will see how time, work and graduate school goes!

Blessings!

Elisabeth's Mémoire

2009-12-13T12:05:00.002-05:00

Title: At My Maw Maw’s Funeral
First off, you probably think I’m crazy saying a name like Maw Maw, but that’s what I called my grandma. I woke up not knowing what was going to happen in this day, but knowing it was going to be sad. I got dressed in my short black dress and my red high heels. That was what my Paw Paw had requested for his funeral so we also wore them for my Maw Maw’s funeral. The reason they were red is because red stands for love. Once I got to the Hafer funeral home for my Grandmas Funeral, I was introduced to a bunch of old people. Seeing old people made me sob because I was missing my Grandma so much. By the time the actual funeral started, I remembered the year before, when I was at the same exact funeral home. The reason I was there the year before was because my Paw Paw died. I remembered when I was sitting next to my Maw Maw sobbing and she said, “Everything was going to be okay, he’s in a better place now.” I thought there was no way, “Everything was going to be okay”. I knew my Maw Maw was dying, I could tell by the way she slowly moved around and acted. The thing is, the last time I saw her, was at my house with my relatives, but I didn’t expect it to be the last. At my Maw Maw’s funeral I sat next to my uncle, I liked sitting next to him, but his hugs just weren’t as good as my Maw Maw’s big pillow-like hugs. Five different emotions swept through me at the same time, I was sad that this had to happen. At the same time, I was sort of angry at God for letting this happen. A few songs were played, one of them was called, “Go Rest High on that Mountain.” After the funeral I knew there would be a lot of crying from my family especially from my mom, because it was her mom that had died and the year before her dad had died too. I thought that what was happening to my mom now, would someday happen to me. This made me aware to spend every day as if it’s your last.

This was a project for Elisabeth at school. It made me realize this last year has changed all of us!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T06:58:00.002-05:00

Funny

2009-11-17T17:59:00.002-05:00

Thought this was a good picture since Thanksgiving is on the way!

The storms of Life

2009-11-02T06:29:00.003-05:00

When I looked at this picture I thought about the storms of life. Sometimes we see them coming. Sometimes we don't! What I do know is that even if they take us by surprise they NEVER take God by surprise. It also made me think of the after effects of the storm. After the storm has passed, the air always smells so clean and the surroundings so clean. Just like in life, after the storm passes life is full of hope.

I hope these thoughts encourage you as you read them. If you are in a "storm" of life, stay with the battle! Hold on... our God knows, is not surprised and will show you the rainbow at the end.

The other day while I was driving to work, I got to see a small bit of a rainbow in the dark gray sky. It was like God was say, " Hang on! See the promise of hope!" So, Hang on and Don't lose HOPE!

Happy Birthday Old Sow1025

2009-10-25T09:20:00.003-04:00

Today is mommy's 70th birthday! Our first one without her! Gosh, I miss her! She is better off.

I saw a lady sitting in a wheel chair yesterday. It made me think of Old Sow. She would not have wanted to live like that and we were headed there. I helped the lady get her umbrella up to block her from the sun.

I am thankful that mommy is no longer suffering! She isn't lonely! She is with the Lord, resting in his arms!

Thank God!

Picture of the week... just because I like it!

2009-10-15T20:23:00.002-04:00

I hope you have had a blessed week! :o)

RIP Dale!

2009-10-08T19:06:00.004-04:00

Daddy's best friend passed away today. He and Daddy are in heaven together!

Please pray for his family! He was like a dad to the older kids and always looked out for us. He was a great guy!

RIP Dale!

What's going on?

2009-10-08T08:46:00.003-04:00

I have been super busy with life. I know I keep putting up pictures and that is it! I have a fall break right now, so I thought I would update.

I have been doing loads of school work, in addition to work, baseball, volleyball, and church. Church hasn't been happening as much as I would like, but some.

My school work is going well. I have been getting excellent grades. I am about to finish my first class and have already started my second. I wanted to take two classes next semester, but we really can't afford to pay for two again. It has been tough this time. I hate that money prevents me from doing two classes, but what can you do?

I am going to spend the next two days working on homework, going to volleyball, an office picnic for Joel, laundry. I am going to be super busy. :o)

For all you who are still reading... Thanks!

My grieving process is good and bad at times. We just passed the six month point since mommy passed away and we are at a year and half since daddy passed. I feel like in six more months it will be better. I have come to the conclusion that I will never stop missing mommy and daddy, but the pain will lessen. Keep praying for us. We are coming up on a difficult time of the year. Mom's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. UGH! I really dread the holidays!

Daddy's best friend is very sick! We have been praying for him. It makes me so sad! Keep him in your prayers too!

I read this saying and really like it....Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

I strive to be a Godly woman, but feel my failures each day!

Ever had a week like this?

2009-10-03T09:02:00.005-04:00

My week was okay. Nothing to write home about.

I liked this picture because... if we look hard enough... we can always find someone worse off than we are!

This is my someone has it worse picture! Poor little man!

Every feel like this?

2009-09-26T11:45:00.002-04:00

Church

2009-09-17T18:56:00.002-04:00

I know going to church is part of being a christian. The word says not to forsake the assembling together. So, my question is WHY is it so hard for me? Since Mommy has died it is so hard for me to be in the presence of the Lord. I realized this last night. I went to church. I haven't been too much since Mommy died. Not because of anything other than busyness. Malakhi is playing travel baseball and those games happen on the weekends. I just find it emotionally painful to be in worship.

I have examined my heart. I don't feel angry. I know Mommy and Daddy were longing to go to heaven. I know they wanted to be with the Lord. I know it had to be the way it is. What I can't figure out is why I feel so much emotional pain when I am in church or even listening to worship songs. I know that the Lord is our refuge. So, why doesn't he feel like my refuge? Maybe it just reminds me too much of my parents. They both loved the Lord with all their hearts and souls. I, also, know I want to make heaven my home. I have no other desire in my heart. So, WHY?

Anyone, please, with any thoughts?

My fall colors!

2009-09-09T19:02:00.002-04:00

I know I didn't change much, but every little bit counts. Thanks Sonderella for my new banner! Your the best!

Fall is my favorite time of the year! I love to smell it in the air. The cool, crisp mornings refresh me.

Ever feel like this?

2009-09-08T19:15:00.002-04:00

Downer

2009-09-06T08:45:00.003-04:00

My last post was not meant to be a downer. Everything just seems to come across the wrong way with me lately. I really am glad mommy and daddy are in heaven. I am still sad though.

We are enjoying a long weekend at home. This is the first one we have spent at home in a couple of months. Summer was super busy. When we were home this summer we had company. I am doing well in grad school. I should be writing a paper right now, but would rather blog. I have to have it done by tomorrow! Guess I will do it later today. I have all kinds of work I could be doing but have been putting it off.

I got my hair cut off yesterday. Not real short, but shorter than normal. It is right above my shoulders. I am not sure what I think about it, but it is mine now. It's a good thing hair grows. LOL! I hope you all have a blessed day! :o)

Can you imagine?

2009-09-02T21:45:00.002-04:00

I know I have been MIA, but have been so very busy! With graduate school, work and the kids... well there just isn't much time left for writing or reading anything other than text books. I do love learning, but whew... the time it has taken me. I am taking two classes so time is of the essence.

Anyway, I was thinking this morning about a blessing. It may not and has not always seemed like a blessing. I was thinking about hearing my mother and father's last prayers ever spoken. AND I GOT TO BE THERE! How amazing! Watching them take their last breaths has taken it's toll on my emotions, but how many children can say they were at the last prayer their parents ever spoke?

I remember Daddy's prayer. He was laying in the living room recliner with friends and family all around him. He was a quiet man who didn't speak much, but he was so sweetly praying for God to bring comfort. Mommy's prayer seemed more powerful, but I know it was not. My Daddy loved the Lord and was anxious to meet him face to face. A mother's prayer is special in its own way. Mommy petitioned God for something and then very convincingly told him, " I know you will Lord!". It was such a blessing to hear them both. They both faced their deaths very bravely. I want to be half as brave as they were when my time comes.

I heard the song "Can you imagine" by Mercy Me on the way to work this morning. It got me wondering what Mommy did when she met the Lord. Did she dance, run, fall on her knees? I bet she was shouting. I remember her shout. I heard it many times in church. She would shout "Glory" and "Pray you Jesus". Oh to hear her just one more time!

After Daddy died, I didn't think about the things I think about now. All I thought about was Mommy. How is she? Is she sad? Is she going to be okay? Who is taking care of her. Now, that Mommy is gone, I am coming full circle. I am really grieving both Mommy and Daddy. I have wondered if I am grieving Mommy more because I loved her more? But have come to the decision... No, I just couldn't stop taking care of Mommy to grieve Daddy. The grief belonged to her..... now it belongs to me.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, back to work I go!

2009-08-12T09:18:00.005-04:00

I have enjoyed my two weeks off work. I even worked a little. Not on work, but on things like unpacking two, yes, just two boxes. I, also, worked on homework. Ugh, why did I do this to myself? I didn't clean the house! Hehehehehehehehe! Only what had to absolutely get done. We went on vacation. It was a nice, relaxing week. And finally on Elisabeth's scrapbook for honor star crowning. For those of you that don't know what this is.... it has taken her 3 years to complete. She has read the New Testament completely and memorized 27 scriptures. She had to take a written test on those scriptures. Not just a simple fill in the blank, but write every word. She has honored not only the last 3 years, but the last 8 years. Wow! I am so proud of her! Not for just the worldly mom reasons, but the "raise them right and they will honor the Lord" reasons. I pray she will always seek and honor the Lord because of the foundation she has built in the Lord. We took pictures of her in her dress. I don't remember if I told you about the dress, but if so, entertain me for a moment. My MIL made it from my left over bridal satin. My satin was 17 years old and I never thought about it even being found, let alone to have a dress made from it 17 years later. It is amazing that I found it in the garage of packed boxes. Any way, here is one of the many pictures...

This is not the one we are using in her scrapbook. Because of the sun spots! :o(

IN HONOR OF THE OFH's!

2009-07-29T17:37:00.002-04:00

Mayhem in Memphis

2009-07-29T17:24:00.004-04:00

The picture above was taken on Thursday morning. The week was an interesting week. We had no hot water the first day and had to run down the hall for a shower. The third day we saw roaches in our room. Not just one... seven at one time! Yuck! Then on Thursday morning it was raining and the thunder was so loud it sounded awful! Once I got up I noticed the police car had hit a pole! How funny! The hotel was good to give us one day for free!

The night before this we watch a man on the street. He started in a wheel chair and ended up lying on the street. We wondered if he was dead. We watched him for about 5 hours. Finally some cops showed up. I decided that Memphis needs an enema! I say that kiddingly, of course. It was sad.

Memphis is an interesting town. I ate Memphis dry rub ribs. I don't even like ribs, but they were great! I went to Graceland. It was an amazing place. It reminded me of mom. Everything reminds me of mom these days. It is had for me to believe it has only been just shy of four months! This time last year, I was moving and mom was coming to see me in my new house. My how time flies and things change.

I am officially doing homework. It is okay, but my brain doesn't work like it used to. I read and read and read and read to understand. It also doesn't help that I have so many other responsibilities. I will be successful! It may kill me, but I will make it!

I have decided my brain is a sieve

2009-07-16T19:02:00.004-04:00

As you know, I have spent this week in Memphis, TN for orientation. Well, it was not just orientation! It was class. I have been working on homework. I have been completely humbled by this experience and have many hours of homework ahead. I have really struggled to complete my homework with a clear and organized head. I read one chapter 4 times before I understood what it was trying to tell me. I know I am not that "thick". Footnote: it is a nursing book and not a hygiene book. I think it had to do with the time of the day I was attempting to read it. One of the big things I am going to have to figure out is when my brain is at its best. My brain is almost 39 and it doesn't function the way it did when I was a student in college at 17 to 21! I honestly felt like my brain was a sieve this week! I will blog later about some of the other aspects of this week, but will finish up by saying I am humbled to be a part of my class. These women are phenomenal!

Life is ever changing!

2009-07-10T09:00:00.002-04:00

Why the tooth? Life is ever changing. Some of you who follow (the few and the brave) may have noticed that a new blog has shown up on my profile. It is a blog that is part of my new "change". You see, I am packing to spend a week in Memphis for an orientation to graduate school. You heard it! I am going back to school. I think I must be crazy! The tooth picture is in honor of graduate school. I am working toward my MDH in education aka.. teaching dental hygiene. I already do that, but without the masters degree.

I am scared, but think it will be a good thing to focus on right now instead of my grief..... I hear you all saying " You have to grieve"! I won't stop grieving, but it will help me not to grieve 24 X 7! It will give me a focus for my time. It will also help my children to understand education is important. So important that their mother is going back to school. They are also big enough that they don't need me as much as when they were toddlers.

Please pray for Elisabeth. She is have some separation anxiety. She is afraid that something will happen to me and her dad, so she doesn't want to leave us. I think this is normal, after all her world was rocked when my dad and mom died and Grandad was so sick too! She cried last night when I mentioned being away for a week. I appreciate your prayers for her. She is at such a delicate age. As much as she doesn't need me in the same way she did as a toddler, she does still need me. Pray for balance in my life.

Thanks to you, my few followers. I appreciate that you haven't been scared of by my meandering of the mind! You are brave to still be reading my blog... the deaths of my parents has officially made me "weird".

Treading Water

2009-07-06T12:38:00.003-04:00

Well, here we are again. Treading water. The last few weeks have been busy. I had my in-laws visit for ten days. It was a ten day reminder of the losses I have had over the last year. Elisabeth had her 11th birthday. We haven't had a party for her because of Malakhi's baseball. He is playing on a travel team. The biggest thing is the fourth of July and today... my dad's birthday.

We went to Harkers Island for the fourth and I didn't have internet. It was a nice weekend. It was "unfamiliar", which was good. There were no reminders of the losses. I didn't even need to feel guilty for not being with family. You see, the fourth has always been "Christmas in July" for my family. With my dad's birthday on the sixth we always had a huge party. No laughing.. we actually got hotdog buns. You see, I am from a very poor family and the only time we got buns for our hotdogs was on the fourth. Mom also made homemade coleslaw. We had galvanized tubs of ice with drinks and watermelon.... oh, so much fun. Everybody in the community always stopped by to wish my dad a happy birthday. Well, all that has changed. This is the second year without daddy and the first without mommy. I wonder if it will ever get any easier? Will I ever stop missing them? Will the fourth ever feel the same? Like Christmas in July? Happy Birthday Daddy. I asked Jesus to tell you this for me today. I know it doesn't matter because you are sitting at his feet and your birthday is unimportant, but it makes me feel better. Like I can still talk to you. I know it isn't true but until I get to heaven I will just keep treading water and living in my fantasy world!

Jelly and Hangers

2009-06-30T18:44:00.003-04:00

I know you are wondering what jelly has to do with hangers!

Grief strikes at the weirdest times and the weirdest things will trigger it! Last year after my dad died and we had moved to our new house I found a bundle of wire hangers. They reminded me of my dad because he had tied them with twine. That bundle of wire hangers hangs in the closet under the staircase. I can't help but think of the love my dad showed me thru out the years as I look at those hangers. He and my mom helped me pack my house in 11 days to move two states when my children were both less than 2! The newest trigger was jelly! On Father's day I was looking in the pantry for a vegetable for dinner. Instead I found 3 jars of jelly my mom made with my dad's help. I pushed them aside and kept looking. After a few seconds I picked them up and carried them into my bedroom. I realized if someone ate them I would be devastated! I got some weird looks from my kids as I was walked thru the living room with tears streaming down my face and my arms full of jelly. My dad always helped my mom make jelly, so you can imagine how old this jelly is. It can't be eaten and I wouldn't let it anyway. Those jars of jelly and that bundle of hangers are the result of the work of my parents hands. Hands that aren't capable of making anymore jelly or tying any more twine around a bundle of hangers. The jelly is sitting in my room. Almost like a shrine. I don't know if I can ever part with the jelly and hangers. I still miss Mommy and Daddy terribly and it amazes me how many times I still think about how unbelievable it is that... Mommy is really gone! After a year I have connected with my daddy's death, I hope... Maybe a year from now I will have connected with mommy's death too!

My husband was at a complete loss when he saw my jelly! I haven't memorialized anything so you can imagine why this is hard for him to understand. :o) Can anyone understand? I don't think they are capable unless they have had both parents to die. It's okay. I will continue to work thru my grief with my arms full of jelly and hangers! :o)

Deception

2009-06-21T08:46:00.003-04:00

The above picture was sent to me in an e-mail. "This is a picture taken directly above these camels in the desert at sunset. It is considered one of the best pictures of the year. Look closely, the camels are the little white lines in the picture. The black you see are just the shadows!! "

Isn't it deceiving to realize that the camels are the white and not the black blobs? Okay, so what is my point? I feel like deception is a part of my life now. Sounds weird, but I am not happy lately. I try to pretend, there is the deception, that I am happy. No one would want to be around me or tolerate me otherwise. It is just so hard to be happy right now. My parents are gone! It's Father's day. My in-laws are visiting. That in itself is a complete miracle. Remember my father-in-law was so sick around Christmas? He is a walking miracle. I am glad he is still alive and my husband is getting to spend time with him.....however, having them visit for the last week makes me painfully aware of the lack of my parents. My mother-in-law even questioned as to whether it was too soon for them to come because it might make me and the kids so sad. I reassured her that we need to go on living and the kids need to continue to have a relationship with them. Although, this visit has made Elisabeth very sad. She has cried several times. I hold her and comfort her. Why is Grief so hard? Why can't we just get over it? I quoted the scripture about God turning our mourning into dancing to Elisabeth.... Well, I am just waiting for the dancing?

Counting Calories

2009-06-07T11:20:00.003-04:00

I have officially become a calorie counter. How did this happen? I have never been a dieter in my life: however, I was heavier than my doctor wanted me to be prior to becoming a calorie counter. It all started when Joel downloaded the Lose it app to my phone and challenged me to a duel. Just let me say, he quit within a week!

I have been counting calories for four months. I have lost sixteen pounds. I am in the range my doctor has wanted me to be in for the last three to four years. I have spoken to my doctor several times to make sure I was being health. She reassured me I was.

Sixteen pounds! I have people concerned for me. I think it is because of my mothers death. I had been counting calories for two months prior to her death and no one really noticed the weight loss because it was minimal. But now that I have lost sixteen pounds people are noticing. I admit grieving is hard. At times I didn't eat as well as I should at the time of my mothers death but I am making sure to eat at least as many calories as the doctor advised me to eat. I have also realized that my mom was unhealthy and her weight didn't help her any. I don't want to have my weight to be an issue with my health. My blood pressure has been really good since I lost the weight too. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure at the young age of 37. It wasn't because I was over weight, but I was at the top of my acceptable weight. I am still not at the bottom. I want to lose a few more pounds to be at the bottom so I can have some room to breath.

Why? I want to be healthy. I want to be around for my kids for many more years to come. Counting calories has worked for me because it makes me accountable for the food I put in my mouth. The lose it app is great because it simplifies a task and minimizes the amount of time it takes to keep track. I would recommend counting calories. I have complained for the last several years about being too heavy. I had starting exercising and thought the weight would fall off because it always did when I was in my twenties. It doesn't work that way now that I am close to forty! Now I have to eat less and exercise.

Forty! Am I really going to be forty soon? Wow, a year and I will be getting ready to celebrate forty years in this life! I hope to be in better shape and weigh a few more pounds less than now!

Book Review- The Orphaned Adult

2009-06-01T20:42:00.003-04:00

I read this book as a self-help book and it is written by Alexander Levy. A great hospice counselor recommended it. My heart skipped a beat when she said the title. Since Mom has passed away I have felt orphaned. I have had so many fellow christians to say, " You are not an orphan! You are a child of God!" I agree, however, I no longer have earthly parents. This book explains that feeling. It is normal when both parents have passed away to feel orphaned. He uses the analogy of driving down the road of life and being able to look in the rear view mirror and see your parents. Parents who have taught you since conception. Parents who have supported and loved through out good times and bad. But once your parents pass away upon looking in that mirror there is no longer parents to find that support or get advice about situations. Thus the feeling of being an orphan or alone. This book also explains that we should give grace to people who don't understand because they don't have the ability to understand being an orphan until both of their parents are deceased. He explains that after the death of the first parent children typically do not own grief. They leave that part to the surviving parent and the child takes the role of worrying about and caring for the surviving parent. He also says that once that surviving parent dies the surviving child or children must then own their grief. Siblings are not support for one another because they are all in the same situation trying to grieve.

I can attest to all of those things. In the last year, I worried about my mother daily. I called her daily, sometimes multiple times just to check on her. I even helped her purchase she and daddy's grave stone to help her grieve. Now, I have no one to worry over. I have had to face my loss head on. It has been difficult. Difficult in ways I could not imagine prior to mommy dying. Each day I called her during my drive home from the office. Now I struggle emotionally each day because I can't call her. When will I stop thinking "Oh, gotta call mommy!". I miss sharing my joys. Joys of my children's successes. Things like Malakhi's home run last weekend and the kids earning the highest possible scores on every End of Grade test they took this school year. I can't call her to find out what the "secret" ingredient was in my favorite dish. I can't call for advice on raising my daughter. My mom was one of my very best friends who I can no longer talk to. Elisabeth will honor star crown and I can't get a letter for the scrap book I am making for her from my mom. A mom who was so instrumental in helping me to become the woman I am and the mother I hope to be. People don't understand because they can still call their mother. I must allow people to not understand, but they must also allow me the freedom to feel and grieve anyway I need to. I don't grieve publicly because of judgement. It has been two months tomorrow since she died. Two months? That's all? It feels like forever and yesterday all at the same time. But people expect grief to be the few days around the services, but I can tell you it takes longer than that. My mom has been an intricate part of my life for almost 39 years I can not expect to be over it in a month or two. I will just keep it inside the walls of my home.

I would recommend this book for anyone grieving the loss of both parents. :o)

My New Look

2009-05-31T08:09:00.002-04:00

My new look is compliments of Sondie. Thanks sis! You keep my blog page looking good!

Making a Silk purse with the ear of a Sow

2009-05-16T16:08:00.003-04:00

I feel like the last year or so has been equal to making a silk purse with the ear of a Sow! I feel like I have done about as well too!

I had the week off. So, I spent the week working on a scrapbook for Elisabeth for Honor Star Crowning. I don't need to have it completed until August, but knew I needed to spend my week wisely. My time is going to be precious (more on that later). As I was asking Elisabeth who she would like to write letters of encouragement and love for this book I came to learn, some things aren't possible. She wants a letter from my mom. If I could retrieve one from the grave I would. However, this is impossible. Even in the "happy" moments I am aware of her loss. As Elisabeth and I cried I thought of the bible my mom gave Elisabeth and realized there are some words Mom wrote in it. IF I can find it... probably still in a box in the garage my mom lovingly told me I needed to get unpacked the last time she was here, I will add those words to her scrapbook.

I couldn't help but think about this week last year. I spent 3 to 4 days with my mom. I helped her design and purchase she and Daddy's tomb stone! Whew! Who knew we would need it so soon.

As for my time... well I promised mommy on her death bed that I would go back to school and earn my masters degree. I promised this at a time when I knew my application had been marked "alternate". So, when my status was changed to "accepted", I knew I had to accept the position. I will start graduate school in July. So you see this album that I need by August must be completed as much as possible prior to July. I'm caught up with all I can do. Now I am waiting on letters and hoping to find that bible! I also need to purchase a dress, if we don't use the one from Julie, and have pictures made. This will be added to the scrapbook too.

The thought of being a student again makes me a nervous wreck! I know, however, that God is in control and I must continue to rest and rely on him. I know it is the perfect time. My silk purse is almost done I hope. I also hope the next project will not be as difficult as watching both my parents die. By watching I mean standing by their beds and watch them take their last breath! Not easy but necessary! Grad school can't be any harder than that, right?

I miss mom and dad terribly and feel the voids everywhere I turn, but I will continue to live and work at healing.

Sold

2009-05-05T17:41:00.002-04:00

Finally! After two years of being on the market we have sold our house. We were under contract three times before it actually sold!

I don't understand the timing, but I know God is never late... but always on time.

There has been a few things happen in my life that I question the timing. I always figure out later why the timing was perfect, so I hope that is the case.

I am just Thankful we only own one house now! :o)

Today is one month... the milestones start again!

2009-05-02T07:07:00.002-04:00

We are attending Camp Reflections given by Hospice. It is for children 5 to 18. Malakhi is not attending, but Sondie, Erin, Elisabeth and myself are.

Introductions last night were difficult. It's hard to face. There are people who have had children, spouses and parents die. The girls feel blessed to still have their parents.

So far, so good.

Monday Greetings

2009-04-27T21:59:00.004-04:00

I like this little pig. It looks so happy! And boy, oh boy, I do need a little happy! I think we all do.

The weather has been beautiful. My roses are out in full bloom. I'll bet I have two dozen already.

Hope your Monday was "happy"!

A year

2009-04-22T21:33:00.003-04:00

Has it really been a year without you daddy? It feels like yesterday in some ways and forever in other ways. I miss you! Now that mommy is gone too I feel like an orphan... I am no ones daughter. I have no one to call for advice, recipes or encouragement.

I am thankful my mom didn't have to face this day. Even though the pain is fresh from her death. It is difficult to separate the grief. Am I grieving mom or dad? I think both. We will have another year of first. I had hoped not to experience moms death so soon.

I did set up Hospice camp for the kids and I am going with them. I know it will do us all some good.

The kids are asking really hard questions this time.

RIP Daddy! RIP Mommy!

Making a Handbag and coin purse

2009-04-17T22:24:00.002-04:00

Elisabeth and I spent about an hour this evening making these. It is for a "Free Marketing" project at school. She will sell these to her class mates for classroom dollars. She may call her business " Reduce, Reuse, Recycle". I think she is creative! All the girls in the class wants one. Everyone from several classes are giving her their trash to make into treasures. She is a real blessing to have in my life! Mom would be proud of our creative abilities!

Two weeks

2009-04-16T22:00:00.002-04:00

Two weeks ago today my mom died. Has it really been two weeks? Have you really been gone only two weeks. It seems like a short time and a long time! Not speaking to her for two weeks seems like a long time since I spoke to her everyday. Not seeing her seems like a short time since I didn't see her often. It is all perception.

I miss her.

The Call

2009-04-15T10:20:00.003-04:00

I finally made the call to Hospice for grief counseling. I have put off that call since daddy died. Now it is necessary to face. I want to have the kids go to some counseling. I will probably attend some as well.

Based on the website we are doing things to help the process, but it is always good to have professional help. I have already had the kids to meet with their counselor at school too.

These steps are necessary to make a better recovery!

Colored Eggs

2009-04-13T18:13:00.002-04:00

My mom always celebrated holidays with every fiber of her being! She was always happy no matter what the circumstances of life were. She was always smiling no matter what! If life handed her lemons she made lemonade. So you can imagine when I forgot the egg coloring kit I thought of mom. She ALWAYS made sure we colored eggs. My mom would have been so disappointed in my lack of celebration. I didn't make it out to the store to pick up a kit, so I did the next best thing. I got out the crayons and we colored eggs. It was definitely something mom would have come up with! I know she would be proud.
Here are the eggs we colored yesterday!

The Apple Tree

2009-04-12T12:25:00.002-04:00

Several years ago I was cutting an apple up for the kids, myself and my dad to eat. We were sharing. When I cut the apple open 5 seeds had started to sprout. My dad was amazed that the seeds had sprouted inside the apple. He decided he was going to plant them and see if they would grow. The kids were probably 2 and 4 years old. They are now 9 and almost 11.

He tended these little seeds and one of them grew into a small tree. He wanted me to have the little tree. I planted it in the front yard of the house we moved away from in August 2008. I wanted to move the tree to our new house but had to wait until it was the right time of the year.

A few weeks ago when my mom was visiting, her last visit, we wanted to move the apple tree. It wasn't in bloom enough to move. I was disappointed because I thought it would be great for my mom to witness the move.

Yesterday the tree was moved to it's new home. I promised mommy and daddy I would get the tree moved and I did. I am so appreciative of my brother in law Aaron and his new wife. They were such a big help.

I know my mom and dad do not live in this tree, but it matters. My Daddy and I shared the apple that this tree came from. It reminds me of the green thumb my daddy had. He could grow anything! I hope my tree lives. It is wilted right now, but I know we have done the best we can to help it survive.

Once the tree grows up, I want to place a bench under it so I can sit and think about the hands that lovingly planted that little seed. If I could only have the faith of a little seed the season I am in would not seem so hard.

Happy Easter. Celebrate because Jesus is alive and I have hope of seeing my mom and dad again. I do have faith in that!

Blessings to you and yours. :o)

Miles away

2009-04-06T21:22:00.002-04:00

I just feel so many miles away from the people who really understand my loss. I guess to sum it up.... I feel lonely. I wonder do they feel lonely too?

RIP Mommy

2009-04-05T11:49:00.003-04:00

Geneva Ann Newhouse

Died April 2, 2009 at 10:15 A.M. less than one year (April 22, 2008) after the love of her life went on to be with Jesus. She was 69 years old.

I heard her pray her last time. It was so moving and beautiful. She and Jesus had church!

Rest in Peace Mommy!

The last two weeks!

2009-04-05T11:19:00.003-04:00

It was a grueling week! But I will discuss the last two.

My mom came to NC for a visit. She was at my house for 3 1/2 days and then went to Sondie's house for 3 1/2 days. She didn't look good. I noticed right away her face was swollen and full. She thought it was a side effect of one of her medications. I sang "funny face I love you" to her. While she was with me her blood sugar was out of control. It has never been out of control. She could hardly get up and move and she slept a lot. Almost all the time.

On Tuesday she got results to blood work and found out she was in kidney failure and she needed to see a specialist. She refused! She told us "NO DIALYSIS!"

Last Thursday she left to go back home. On her way she fell at the rest area. She couldn't get up and asked my niece to call an ambulance. She dislocated her left shoulder. Later we found out that it was also broken. Sondie and I took off to help my niece at the hospital. They were about 3 hours from all the family. My niece had two children (4 and 7 years old) in addition to my mother. What a grueling day for her! She was torn between wanting to be with my mom and not leaving the girls in the waiting room. My sister, Donna, fell that day at the same time. Donna and mom were both in emergency rooms, different ones, at the same time! (side note: Donna is the sister who lives and takes care of my mother)

Mom was released from the hospital in Mt. Airy, NC on Friday. Sondie and I continued on to WV to assist my niece in the trip. Mom couldn't hardly get up. We weren't sure what to do. Saturday she stopped urinating very much and Sondie had noticed in the hospital her urine was strong and cola or tea colored with sediment in it. By Sunday my mom was in terrible pain and we were worried she had dislocated her shoulder again. We called an ambulance and took mom back to the hospital. That was a week ago today. Saturday (last week) seemed like a death watch. We ordered a hospital bed and tried to keep mom comfortable. It was awful. So when we followed the ambulance out of the "holler" we felt like it was mom's last ride. It was awful. I thought I was over reacting because of losing daddy.

At the hospital we found out that mom was in full renal failure. Acute Renal Failure. WOW! Sondie and I drove home to NC on Sunday evening knowing we were going back the next day. I researched ARF and found out the survival rate was bleak. I spent two hours at work on Monday and then took off to WV. Donna had called at 7 to let me know she didn't think mom was going to make it.

We tried a few things medically to jump start her kidney's but to no avail. On Tuesday we went to comfort measures so mom could die.

Mom passed away on Thursday, April 2 at 10:15. Less than a year since my daddy died. We didn't see this one coming, but we did get to spend mom's last 4 days with her just like we did with daddy. There are more details but I am exhausted and can't share them in writing right now.

All I know is my mom and dad are both gone and I am only 38 years old. HOW did this happen already. My mom was only 69!

The doctors decided the cause of her Acute Renal Failure was the auto immune disorder she had been fighting. She had Pemphigus Bolus and Linear IGG. It is rare and attacked her immune system. Her kidneys, thyroid, diabetes.....etc.... her last blood work showed this.

Sondie and I have talked about daddy spending his last Easter in NC with us in 2008, but little did we know it was Mommies last Easter too! Mommy and Daddy's last trips were to NC to see us. You see Daddy and Mommy couldn't come to my house last year.... it was on the market! Funny... it still is, we just moved on... Thank God... because this time mommy could visit me!

GO REST HIGH ON THAT MOUNTAIN MOMMY! YOUR WORK ON EARTH IS DONE!

Champions!

2009-03-23T19:55:00.003-04:00

Malakhi's baseball team won the "Top Gun" Spring tournament this weekend! It was a great start for his "travel" baseball team.

Disappointments

2009-03-23T19:52:00.002-04:00

There are disappointments around every corner for me. It seems like there are just somethings we can't outrun. Certain things follow us forever. Will I ever beat the demons which haunt me?

Perseverance

2009-03-19T09:57:00.002-04:00

James 1:12
12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life,which God has promised to those who love him.

Okay, I get it.... I am blessed because I will remain steadfast. I will receive a crown of life. It is God's promise! I know quitting is not an option. I must remain strong in the Lord, not in myself.

1 Corinthians 12:26-27 (Contemporary English Version)

26If one part of our body hurts, we hurt all over. If one part of our body is honored, the whole body will be happy.

27Together you are the body of Christ. Each one of you is part of his body.

I appreciate all of my fellow christians who are praying for me. I know I will get to the other side.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (Contemporary English Version)

Hebrews 12

1Such a large crowd of witnesses is all around us! So we must get rid of everything that slows us down, especially the sin that just won't let go. And we must be determined to run the race that is ahead of us. 2We must keep our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete. He endured the shame of being nailed to a cross, because he knew that later on he would be glad he did. Now he is seated at the right side [a] of God's throne!

I will continue to run the race!

These are all scriptures and thoughts from last nights sermon. I know it was for me. :o)

Spring Break

2009-03-17T15:31:00.003-04:00

I am on Spring Break. I have worked at home and at work. It seems like I could work non-stop and still have "stuff" to do!

Seasons of Life

2009-03-12T19:43:00.002-04:00

I love this picture.... Of course it is compliments of "google images"... but I love it nonetheless.

I am in a new season of life. I don't know how to explain it. I feel like life hasn't quit hitting me. I have officially been knocked to my knees and they are raw as I crawl along the road of life.

It all started with my surgery to have my gallbladder removed. It continued with my diagnoses of high blood pressure at the tender age of 37. Then moved to the fast and furious pace of my dad's illness and death. Next we went to the move and not selling our house... still haven't.... after two failed contracts. This list hasn't even included my precious niece who was scalded with 150 degree water.... deemed abuse with removal and destruction of families ( my family).... hearing still in progress and finally the illness of my father in law. All of this in just 15 months. My question... How can a body, mind and spirit take this kind of battering?

I have stepped down from my position in the middle school girls. I feel like an empty vessel and decided to "sit at the Father's feet for awhile". I need to bask in his love. The list above hasn't killed me, so it has made me stronger. I can't feel the strength yet, but know I will see it eventually. I will miss the girls, but I can not continue to pour out of an empty spirit. I pray this is the move of a christian who is mature enough to realize her own spiritual needs. A week or so ago I realized I couldn't find Jesus because it seems so dark. I know he is holding me in the palm of his hand but....... Thank God I have a solid level of faith or I would be lost. We all would be with the Lords saving Grace.

Why does God continue to fool with me when I feel like such a failure is completely beyond me! I know it his never ending love. Oh I haven't committed any major sin... I have just fallen to my knees. I have thought about the song " The warrior is a child" a lot over the past week. We all need to drop our swords and cry for awhile and then get back up and continue to battle. God is good and he will see me through this season. I will be stronger in the end. God has good plans and he will work all things together for good.

The Cotillion Ball

2009-03-07T06:44:00.005-05:00

Last night was Elisabeth's first "Ball". The kids were "mostly" fifth graders. I say mostly because there are never enough boys for all the girls to have a dance partner. This is an old tradition that has been refined. It started in the 1700's in France. It then moved on to Germany and eventually to New York. I thought it was great for Elisabeth because it teaches social manners, etiquette and ball room dancing. Albeit, the girls (or ladies) and the boys (gentlemen) won't even look at each other as they dance. They are such an awkward age it is funny. In one aspect I felt badly for Elisabeth. She was taller than all the boys her age and when she twirled she had to duck down. It was bad for the gentlemen as well.... how humiliating to be shorter than your dance partner. One boy stood on his tip toes! How funny! However, Elisabeth did get to dance with some of the "helper" boys who are older. It was good for her because these boys have been "paid dancers" for the girls for many years and she danced gracefully. It is always better if the man leads well. Notice the picture of her foot. I know it isn't visible on the picture, but she got stepped on and her foot was all skinned! hehehehehe! Isn't adolescent wonderful. Those "icky" boys!

On a more serious note. It was a reminder that our little girl is growing up too fast. She was so beautiful (thanks Julie for the dress it was perfect). She really looked like such the lady. (Minus the purple cast she received a few weeks ago, however she only had to manage one glove) It won't be too many years and she will be graduating high school and starting college. I am going to enjoy the years we have left with her at home! It seems that she was just a baby yesterday!

The Letter of the Day

2009-03-02T10:21:00.003-05:00

Rules: IT'S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS! USE THE 1ST LETTER OF YOUR FIRST NAME TO ANSWER EACH OF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. THEY HAVE TO BE REAL PLACES, NAMES, THINGS. NOTHING MADE UP! YOU CAN'T USE YOUR NAME FOR THE BOY/GIRL NAME QUESTION.

1. What is your last name? Susan
2. A 4 Letter Word: Sand
3. A Boy's Name: Sam
4. A Girl's name: Sabrina
5. An Occupation: Spy
6. A Color: Sage
7.. Something you wear: Shoes
8. A Beverage: Soda
9. A Food: Soup
10. Something found in the bathroom: Soap
11. A place: San Diego
12. A Reason for being late: Slept in
13. things you shout: ? Stop

Just for fun on a snow day!

March "Roars" in like a Lion

2009-03-02T08:46:00.003-05:00

School and work have both been canceled! We don't have much snow. Just a few inches. But I can guarantee we will enjoy the day off. Making up classes won't be any fun.

The sell fell through!

2009-03-01T19:07:00.003-05:00

Because of the every changing mortgage rules the buyers can not secure a loan.

We will continue to rest in the Lord. He knows what we need and he continues to pay the bills.

Seems like there is always someone with their hand out, something to pay for, or another bill. Some how God continues to provide.

Twilight

2009-03-01T08:45:00.003-05:00

I have read the entire series that goes along with this book. I am not going to review the series but give you an opinion. My daughter is almost 11 years old. Her friends are reading this book. As a parent I am completely appalled! It is not the material a young person should read. WHY? It glorifies the image of vampires. The vampires in this book are "good" because they are vegetarian. How? They feed on animal blood instead of human blood. I must say it was creative on the authors part. There is one scene in the book that a bad vampire wants to kill Bella and drink her blood. That is a scary scene and does depict vampires in their stereotype. Anyway I got sidetracked... how does it glorify? It glorifies because they live forever and do not age. Bella and her beloved Edward will live together forever IF Bella is changed into a vampire. The series centers around Bella becoming a vampire. Who wouldn't want that (to age and never die)? I would love to think I could live without aging and never face death. After the last year I have started to wonder about the circle of life anyway. After watching my dad die I wonder about alternatives. There are none.... unless I become a vampire! Okay for those of you who know me that sentence doesn't concern you, because you know I am not in the least bit serious. But a young person reading the book could be. A young person searching. We live in a society that is searching but not looking for God. We also live in a society that allows children to raise themselves and do whatever they want without boundaries! In the front of the book the author even has a scripture. That was my daughters argument for reading the book... How bad can it be mom it has scripture in it?

Just my opinion!

Sickness

2009-02-22T14:20:00.003-05:00

I will spare you the details, but we have had a little bit of sickness in our house. Today is Malakhi's turn!

Elisabeth has broken her left wrist/arm. I had a headache yesterday while the "sickness" was around and didn't want her to go roller skating with her school. However, she ended up riding with a friend of hers. I had a looming feeling of doom but dismissed it ( I try not to focus on negativity) . Within a half hour of her leaving I got the dreaded phone call saying she had fallen and hurt her arm. I asked which one and when I heard it was the one she broke when she was four I just knew it was broken again. I went right away. Her dad ended up taking her to the emergency room. We will get her in to see the orthopedic doctor for a cast this week. Big SIGH! She is fun to take care of. She can't change her clothes, put her hair up, tie her shoes.... It is like having a three year old again only more impatient and demanding! LOL! She really has been doing great. However, she is the talk of her class right now. She has gotten a few calls and e-mails to check on her. I think she is enjoying the attention!

She and Malakhi are going to represent their new school in the "first in fitness" competition. Malakhi is going to run the hundred yard dash(he ran it in 14.4 seconds) and Elisabeth is doing the standing long jump (she jumped 6'4"). I sure hope her arm doesn't interfere! Her dad told her it would help her... LOL! How? I'm not sure!

We hosted some guest in our home that were serving at our church this weekend. We ended up with three teenage boys. They were a pleasure to host! Very nice young men!

Shallow and empty

2009-02-22T07:50:00.003-05:00

I am feeling shallow, empty and transparent lately!

We do have a lot going on. We got an offer on our house and we are under contract BUT..... and there is always a but...... now there is some concern about the buyers credit.

If it is time for God to sell the house, then it will sell. If not we continue to move ahead.

Blessings

Dreaming

2009-02-09T20:07:00.004-05:00

I know it is because of the "anniversaries" that are occurring, but I am having a dream. It's not the same setting or situation, but it always ends with me searching for my dad and he is no where to be found. Sometimes in the dream I am reasoning out it is too early in life for my dad to be gone.... for example one time Malakhi was a baby and Daddy didn't die until he was just past 8 and another time Daddy was younger this his age at his death. I wake up really missing him with a feeling of emptiness.

Tomorrow is Mommy and Daddy's wedding anniversary. I'm sure it will be a hard day on Mommy! Fifty two years!

Lynn, thanks for encouraging me! It would be easier just to crawl in a hole!

I wonder how long I will continue to have this theme in my dreams? Will I ever stop looking for Daddy?

Anniversaries

2009-02-03T22:11:00.004-05:00

I have been keeping it light lately. Just know there are a lot of anniversaries on the way. Anniversaries I would rather not celebrate!

We have been super busy. Making up snow days and guess what.... more snow tonight! Oh well. We will see what happens with school tomorrow.

Thanks for checking in! I know I have been silent.... but I am okay..... just busy trying to ignore the time of the year we are entering! :o)

New Job

2009-01-25T15:57:00.003-05:00

I thought this was an interesting job. :o)

Snow in Raleigh

2009-01-20T19:33:00.004-05:00

When snow is predicted I don't believe it until I see it! I saw it today! It was a beautiful snow! The kids enjoyed making a snowman! I spent the day doing some scrap booking! I have an honor star album to have completed by August. The problem is I don't have any pictures. This album will hold 8 years of Biz's life. WHEW! I searched through lots of pictures to only find two I wanted to use. I hope I get it done! I also worked on our vacation album from 2007. I even unpacked two boxes. We get another day off tomorrow. Who knows what I will do. I would love to unpack a couple more boxes and scrap book again. We'll see! I shoveled the walk and drive way too!

A special time in history!

2009-01-19T16:17:00.001-05:00

We are witnessing history in the making! I am so proud to be a part of it!

Busy as a Bee

2009-01-19T16:03:00.002-05:00

I have been busy as a bee lately. I know when you read what I have been doing you will not believe it! I am just now taking down my Christmas decorations! RIDICULOUS! I have never put my decorations up before Thanksgiving nor have I ever left them until Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! I hope this is not an indication about how late I am going to get everything done this year.

I have been exercising again. Life is so busy. We went to Richmond and saw my father-in-law. He is recovering very slowly.

Happy Birthday Malakhi!

2009-01-11T05:58:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday Malakhi!

How did you grow so fast? It seems just yesterday you were born! I know it has only been 9 years! But they went so fast!

Hmmmm

2009-01-06T06:25:00.002-05:00

Larry is Awake!

2009-01-04T20:46:00.003-05:00

Joel went to see his dad this weekend. Praise the Lord he is awake! He was very active yesterday. If he continues to do well he should be off the vent in a few days! God is Good. The sooner he recovers the sooner he can be placed on the transplant list!

Thank you for all your prayers!

New Year Traditions

2009-01-01T20:09:00.003-05:00

What are the food traditions in your family? We have some funny traditions in our family.

At the stroke of midnight we toast with sparkling grape juice. We always use stemmed glasses. We use sparkling juice because all ages can be involved.

For dinner on New Years Day we eat a combination of foods. My family has always eaten cabbage and corn beef. We put money in it. Why? My mom used this little trick to get us to eat the nasty stuff. You see, we couldn't keep the money if we didn't eat the food. We wouldn't have prosperity if we didn't eat all that was on our plate. I still put coins in the cabbage. It is fun. Cabbage represents financial prosperity. I researched and this came from Germany. My maiden name originates from Germany. My husbands family always eats black eyed peas and pork. His family gave pork up years ago because of his dad's heart problems. However, this year we had ham. Black eyed peas as a traditional food originated in the Southern United States and represents luck or prosperity. I read in one source that peas and cabbage represented coins and paper money. Pork originated in Germany. As I researched it I found that pigs can't look back only forward. They also keep evil away. In China a pig is looked upon as honest, tolerant and diligent. What a mix of food. Poor kids! What a meal. I added macaroni and cheese just for them.

We spent the day with my sister and her family. We took some good pictures. We are looking forward to the blessings in the year 2009.

Good Riddance 2008!

2008-12-31T10:43:00.003-05:00

The pictures above show my "giddy delight" at the end of this year! I am kissing it good riddance! :o)

E-mail from my Mother in Law about my Father in Law

2008-12-31T10:39:00.002-05:00

Greetings everyone. I haven't updated much about Larry (father in law), but he is still sleeping. We do have concern about the fact that he has not woke up. Although we have been told another man slept for 3 weeks following the procedure. I will attach an e-mail from Elaine (mother in law).

Update on Larry

Dear Family and Friends,

Larry is doing a little better. Praise the Lord! Every little change is encouraging! They canceled the CT Scan. Hallelujah! He raised his right arm a little bit by himself and he moved his shoulders. For some reason he likes to wiggle his nose....like a bunny....it looks cute.

I want to thank those of you who have sent back encouraging words. They have been a blessing. I keep reminding myself that God is in control and He has a purpose for everything. He also promised to NEVER leave me or forsake me. Praise His Name Forever! That doesn't mean I don't have some "down" times. But because of your prayers, I am able to lift my head and continue to trust in the Lord. He is Good....all the time!!!

Until next time,

Love ya,

Elaine

We appreciate all your prayers.

New Beginnings

2008-12-30T12:48:00.003-05:00

I know my last post was pretty negative, but I must say I am so thankful we get a new beginning with the new year. This year 2009 is like a seed. A mystery seed. I don't know what kind of year it will grow into until December 31, 2009. That is refreshing! I hope you will come along for the ride.

2008 has kicked my teeth out!

2008-12-29T13:15:00.006-05:00

We saw Larry on Saturday, Dec 20 and Sunday the 21st. He was doing well the the Ballon Pump. It is called a Intra-aortic Ballon Pump. He had to lay flat on his back until his surgery on Monday. He had the LVAD put in (aka Left Ventricular Assist Device). This procedure is a "bridge to transplant". He was in surgery for about 12 hours. The doctor spoke to us. He was very honest about the situation with Larry. He would not have lived for two more weeks without the surgery. His chest was left open.... I can't imagine. He was having bleeding and the doctor needed to watch the right side of the heart to make sure it continued to function. He had surgery again on Wednesday, Christmas Eve, to close his chest. He remained under anesthesia until Friday. On Saturday morning all sedation was removed around 9 O'Clock. He is still sleeping. It is Monday, December 29th and he is still sleeping. I am a worried. I saw him yesterday. I pray he wakes soon. He can't be placed on the transplant list until he recovers from this surgery.

The year 2008 did not turn out the way I expected it to last New Year's Eve! I would not have imagined it would have held so much pain, grief and suffering. I am normally a very positive person. However, this year has "knocked" it right out of me. I do not deal with depression so I truly feel for those in my family that does deal with depression. I do not know how they have survived this year. For those of you who have followed my blog you know the sorrows we have seen. For those of you who are new... a few of them.... the biggies.... my dad's illness and death, Sophia's injury, and now Larry... my Father in Law. Okay, enough of the "pity tree". The positive..... Larry is able to have this kind of care. It seems strange that so much can be done to save his life. He is a Veteran so he is getting his care through the VA hospital in Richmond. I am thankful for his care!

Looking forward... I would love to tell you I expect 2009 to be a better year.... but alas I do not. We have a long road ahead with Larry. I pray he gets his heart transplant soon. As my dad has said for years.... " I've seen it go like this for days and then get worse."

I will try to be more positive from this post forward... no matter how badly I feel. I feel as though life has "kicked me in the teeth".

My dad also said.... "count your blessings instead of your sorrows". I pray I can do better at that in 2009.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-20T09:04:00.002-05:00

Vacation

2008-12-20T08:38:00.006-05:00

I don't want to seem like I am down in the dumps. I just don't like changes. This year has been a major turning point in our lives. This year is just different than any other which impacts me.

We are going on vacation over Christmas. We have done this for the last two years. This will be our third year. This is the first year we don't have family joining us. For this reason or that it didn't work out.... thus my post yesterday! ( Lynn, thank you so much for your prayers for Larry! We can use them!) The pictures above are from the two previous years.

I can really use the relaxation! I know it seems crazy to vacation over Christmas, but it is one of the times we all have off from work and school. We can count on this week no matter what school the kids go to (year round or traditional). It has changed the traditions we do, but it is worth it. The place we go has an indoor water park, tubing and skiing (just to name a few). We haven't taken the kids skiing yet because of the lack of snow, maybe this year.

We have invited a family we are friends with to join us. The husband is in school and this will be a great break for them. They are joining us for a few days at the end of the week.

Vacation here I come!!

Par for the year!

2008-12-19T19:57:00.002-05:00

The above picture is from 2003. Wasn't Khi so cute? I miss those chubby cheeks!

Christmas this year is not going to include a single person from my family. It has been a really unusual year. I will miss them all.

We invited them to come to the ski resort this year, but with everything going on none of them can make it. Just par for the year this year.

Larry (Father in law) had a ballon pump put in his heart today. It is to sustain him until he can have the mechanical pump put in on Monday. The doctor said his heart is deteriorating quickly. We will go see him tomorrow and spend some time with Elaine (Mother in law). She has been by herself for two weeks. I am glad we are able to go support her.

We will spend the week at the resort. I am so needing the relaxation. I haven't worked either day off, so I will take some work with me. I have to if I am going to be done by the time the semester starts.

Merry Christmas!

Changes are bittersweet for us

2008-12-18T18:56:00.004-05:00

I thought the pig in the above picture was so cute. I took this picture at the state fair. It reminded me of my sisters.

This morning I walked Biz to the bus. As I was walking back to the house, I realized how many changes we have gone through this year. I know....I know.... I am not supposed to reflect on the year 2008 until after Christmas! I just couldn't help it. We have had bitter and sweet! As you have followed this blog through the year you already know that!

Some of the changes you may not have known are.... no more YMCA before and after school care.... no more track out care... we are a traditional year now... the kids ride the bus... they never did that before.... living in our new house... so close to everything.... 1 mile from Joel's office.... even closer to the kids school.... a mile and half closer to my job.... making payments on two houses and not going into crisis.... instead of visitors saying "this is the smallest house ever" ( yes someone actually said that about our old house) they are saying things like "boy you really moved up" and "wow" (yes they really say those things too).... we just crack up! God is so faithful and people are so funny!

I spent the day with Khi.... he has been sick. I think he is officially better. He will go back to school tomorrow. He has missed most of the week. It was a nice day. I even made a few treats. I made my "homemade" sugar cookie dough. It has to be refrigerated for at least 8 hours. I will make cookies with the kids soon.

The changes have been bitter sweet.... I wonder what Daddy would think about our new house? Joel's Dad is not well now. He is in the hospital being tested for a heart transplant. We are praying for him. The transplant could be a year off once he is approved. We pray he is approved and his heart holds out until he gets the new one. We will go see him in Richmond on Sunday. We will deliver a new robe and slippers. Necessary items for a hospital visit that could last 6 weeks. If he gets the "mechanical pump" put in he will be in the hospital 6 weeks. If this happens he will go to high priority. We will continue to pray for God's mercy. Thinking about a possible transplant is bittersweet. Someone else has to lose their life to save Larry. Bittersweet! Selfishly we are not ready to lose the only Dad and Granddad we have left!

Sophia is doing well. The family hasn't been restored yet, but a new lawyer has been appointed. The next hearing isn't until sometime in March. That is a long time off, but God is faithful. The new lawyer really is working to restore things. The last lawyer was running for public office and very distracted, so the change is good. We are blessed she has done so well and hasn't lost any toes. All the action at Mom's house is good.... it distracts Mom.

WE ARE BLESSED! Truly blessed.

I think often about my Dad's death. It is the normal life cycle. A little more than two years ago a young boy the age of Biz died unexpectedly. His death has forever impacted us. As the kids have been sick the last week each of them asked if the other was going to die. He was almost 9... I think a few hours short of his birthday. His visitation and funeral was the first experience my kids had with death. It helped us when Daddy died because they knew what to expect, but as I said... it impacts them through fear when illness hits. I can't imagine his mother and father's pain. It has to be so much harder to face the death of their only son than the death of my father. I still pray for this family. I pray often for them. I pray I never forget them when I pray! I admire them. They have appeared to be strong! Stronger than I think I could be.

We are Blessed! Blessed beyond what we deserve!

Thermometers

2008-12-17T18:07:00.002-05:00

Here is my collection of thermometers. I use them as examples when I teach my students how to do vital signs. I think I have almost every kind possible. I know there are a few I don't have... one is the pacifier thermometer.

I have had them out for the last week. It has made me realize how "prepared" I really am. LOL!

It has been hard with the kids being sick. I hate being a working mom when the kids are sick. I enjoyed my time with them when I was an at home mom. I am just glad to be on Christmas break now. I can actually stay at home with my sick one! Joel took him to the doctor today. He just has a virus. He had a 104.1 degree fever last night. Pneumonia is going around the school, so it was time to have him checked!

I know... random post.

I am Thankful to be on Christmas Break!

Icky Viruses

2008-12-16T21:11:00.003-05:00

Nursing sick kids is not fun. We have gone from one of the kids having a "stomach" virus to the other one running a pretty high temperature. We heard today that pneumonia is going around at school, so if tomorrow still holds a fever.... off to the doctor we will go. I am down to my last day of the semester tomorrow. I still have a lot of work to get completed prior to my break, but I have brought it home. I may just work over the break. I will be the course director for 3 courses next semester. We are still short a faculty member and it is making it very busy! Let me just say.... I am THANKFUL for my job.

Joel's office had some layoffs, so we are THANKFUL for his job also. :o)

God is good!

I understand there is a nasty "trojan" virus in the computer world. My MIL had it on her computer. I am THANKFUL for our MAC. You know.... they don't catch viruses.

Tis the season for "icky viruses"!

What are your Christmas Traditions?

2008-12-13T09:11:00.004-05:00

Above is our Christmas tree. One of the things we do is lay down on the floor and look up the middle of the tree. It is always so pretty to see it from that point of view..... I should have taken a picture of that. Oh well, maybe later. Try it. It is so much prettier if your tree is real and not artificial.

Another one of our traditions is that we only give three gifts to each child. Why? Well, there were three wise men and they each brought one gift. I know technically Jesus received lots of gifts, however we don't want over indulged children. Besides, who can really enjoy playing with more than three toys in any one given day. I have watched the children choose gifts for their list carefully. When Aunt Non (Sonderella) asked for a list she got one thing for each of them listed.... sorry Aunt Non! I know that doesn't make it easy... but they know they get one gift from you so they asked carefully! Ha ha ha! We have done the three gift rule for seven or eight years. It seems to be working.

The other thing we do is place a manger under the tree. Did you notice it in the first picture? Our manger is not beautiful. I have looked for a new one each year, but we have used this one for seven or eight years and now it has become sentimental to me. Why empty? Well my husband grew up and did not celebrate Santa. I did in my family and it was great fun. I spoke to one of my really good friends when we were having the "discussion" about having a Santa or not. And she shared some things with me that spoke to me, so I reluctantly agreed. Eleven years ago.... the Christmas I was pregnant for Elisabeth we had this discussion. His family had changed all of their traditions.... his dad threw out all the Christmas decorations and started celebrating Hanukkah .... no they are not Jewish! I told Joel we were going to have very confused children...... Jewish holidays with one set of grandparents and Santa with the other and something completely different at our house. Well, we decided they were going to be well rounded instead. We read a book "Santa are you for Real" which focuses on the real St. Nick and his reasons for giving gifts. The kids have never looked at another kid and ruined it for them... at least not when I can hear. We told them Hanukkah was the way Jesus celebrated the holidays when he was a boy before his birthday was the holiday christians celebrated. Now for the manger.... on Christmas morning.... baby Jesus is in the manger that has been empty, waiting for him. The kids would look for "baby Jesus" before they looked for their gifts! By the way, baby Jesus in not a doll that we play with..... he stays with our Christmas decorations. We feel like this has helped to bring the focus back to Jesus the reason for the season. I don't know if this will be a tradition my kids continue when they are grown, but I know that little clementine box that has been our manger for so many years will continue to sit under my tree. Please know.... our traditions are ours.... we did not take any of his families traditions or mine.... it was a compromise on both parts. I am pleased, but at the time.... I was unsure.

Update on the Sell of the house

2008-12-13T09:02:00.003-05:00

The house did not sell. We were within a week of closing and the buyer got sick and spent weeks in the hospital. We were told she has a life threatening illness and her "co-signer" backed out. She was upset that she could not still purchase the house.

I have tried not to whine or worry. I have tried to rest in the Lord and know that he has a plan. His word says so! In the process I keep reminding myself none of what I have belongs to me..... it is all his! And in that.... the bills are all his too! I didn't realize how quiet I had kept it! I was not attempting to stop prayer for the sell of our house.... so forgive me and get back to praying! Please!?!

God is good!

The Christmas Party

2008-12-11T19:48:00.004-05:00

I threw a Christmas party for the girls in Elisabeth's class at school because I am such a fun loving mother! LOL! It was a success I think. The girls all had a great time. We decorated gingerbread houses, did a gift exchange (white elephant) that I provided the gifts (duds) and played foosball on our newly acquired table. Thanks Uncle Aaron!

Okay, I am not really all that fun. I wanted to meet the little girls in her class. We had 7 of the 9 attend! They were all very nice girls. For those of you who don't know.... we started this new school in August. We left the school we have been so comfortable in since kindergarten! The kids have done super! Now if we could only sell the other house! God is paying the bills so I suppose it is up to him when he discards the second house!

On a side note.... Elisabeth had a stomach virus the last couple of days! NASTY little thing. I think she is officially over it!

Blessings to you! Enjoy your holiday parties! :o)

Quality Time

2008-12-10T18:46:00.002-05:00

I don't know about you....but this does not equal quality time to me!

Cookie disaster

2008-12-03T21:13:00.002-05:00

I was baking cookies for the Christmas party coming up. They were awful. I usually make homemade cookie dough, but this time I was trying to use store bought. The store bought dough doesn't bake the same as my homemade dough. They looked awful! I ended up buying cookies instead! Oh well. I will make homemade dough when I don't feel so rushed. Sugar cookies are my all time favorite to make, cut, bake and decorate. It was not fun with store bought dough! Making sugar cookies has been one of our traditions for years. NOW.... if I could just find that recipe in all the boxes still left to unpack from the move in August! Hahahahahahaha!

I hope your cookie baking turns out better than mine!

My Christmas Decorations are up

2008-12-01T20:29:00.003-05:00

**Disclaimer** The tree pictured above is not my Christmas tree, but I thought it was interesting!

We have a good portion of our Christmas decorations up. I must be crazy, but I am having a Christmas party for the girls at Elisabeth's new school. I thought it would be a way to meet the girls, since I haven't met any of them. We are going to have fun. We are decorating ginger bread houses. So far we have 4 girls coming. We only invited 9. Not to bad to be the new girl.

I have a lot of preparations still. It should be fun. The rest of my weekend is supposed to be for shopping. I am supposed to shop with Sonderella on Saturday and my small group on Sunday. My small group is fifth thru eighth grades. It should be a fun, busy weekend!

Thanks Sonderella and Erin

2008-11-30T20:21:00.003-05:00

My new header is from Sonderella and Erin. It is a festive look for a joyous season.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T08:51:00.003-05:00

We have a lot to be thankful! Enjoy Thanksgiving and count your blessings. Someone wise used to tell me that all the time. I will please him and God and count my blessings and not focus on my sorrows. We all have "sorrows" but I know my blessings outweigh them.

Eat lots! Enjoy family and friends! :o)

Ken, if an ingredient is missing from the German Chocolate Cake..... it wasn't me! hehehehe I would like a piece though! We miss you and Lynn..... enjoy Sonderella! :o)

2008-11-24T20:36:00.002-05:00

Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could
think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and
put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot,

I quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and
I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."

I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Our tongue and mischievous mouth

2008-11-23T20:40:00.004-05:00

James 1:26 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

Proverbs 12:18 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

18 Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Okay, here we go. One of my all time weaknesses is controlling my tongue. I didn't realize until tonight that my religion (salvation) is worthless if I can NOT control my mouth! This is really scary to me. I pray the Holy Spirit will keep his hand securely placed over my lips! Words can shoot out of my mouth without a single thought about what is shooting out! Not to everyone, but to the ones I love the most (my family)! How does that happen? Lack of self-control.... that is one of the fruits of the spirit!

So, as I was coming to this realization God showed me something else. The kids were talking about the tongue today. The tongue taste four different flavors. Sweet, salty, sour, and bitter. Look at the diagram above and take note of the location of each flavor area. Sweet is on the end. Close to our lips. Our words should be sweet. They should bring healing, not pierce like a sword. Now look at bitter. It is on the back, close to the throat. If we swallow bitterness it will root in our hearts and our beings. If we let that bitter root grow we will never live in victory. The victory granted to us by Jesus and his death on the cross!

I am only human, but will not use that as an excuse. I must be "salt and light" to those around me. Controlling my tongue and mouth is just one of those ways.

On a lighter note.... if bitter and sour were on the end instead of sweet and salty I would weigh a lot less because I would eat less sweet and salty foods! How many of you eat a sweet and then need a salty or vise versa?

I pray your week is filled with words that are sweet and bring healing and I pray the Holy Spirit firmly plants his hand over my lips!

Blessings to you and yours. Find something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!

Ken, did you get my e-mail with the German Chocolate Cake recipe? I wasn't sure I had your e-mail address correct. If not let Sonderella know and I will forward it thru her.

The roses from my garden

2008-11-19T06:41:00.004-05:00

I hurried outside when I got home last night to try to save the roses from my garden. You see we had snow flurries earlier in the day. The picture above are the ones I thought were going to be enjoyable for a few days. Who knew I could grow or keep roses alive? Amazing! I collected over a dozen!

We are sending a few to Malakhi's teachers today. :o)

I walked more than 2 miles today!

2008-11-16T20:30:00.002-05:00

I walked a couple of miles today. It felt good. It was cool and crisp.

While I walked I prayed. I realized how much my dad was the glue that held the family together. It still amazes me how he was such a quiet, stabilizing, gentle force. I miss him terribly.

I am having a difficult time dealing with the holiday's this year. We are supposed to go home to WV to visit my husband's family. I want to make the trip short. Why? I can tell you it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. I want to be home to decorate for Christmas. Traffic is always bad from WV. I want a day to rest. I want to come home on Friday, rest and get ready for the week on Saturday. Sunday is always busy. Elisabeth has Cotillions and we have small group that evening. I wished Joel understood. He just doesn't. He wants to run the whole time. I am always so tired to go back to work on Monday. I think it does have a little to do with my malfunctioning family. I feel like an orphan. I don't have a home to go to. If you know my family and the turmoil right now you might understand that statement. If you don't understand and think I am being ridiculous, just pray for me. I can cry at the tiniest things. The wind, the leaves rustling, the mention of family. You name it.

I am trying to embrace the holiday's with a festive spirit. I am planning a Christmas party for all the little girls in Elisabeth's class at school. I think it will a good way to celebrate. I hope it is fun. I am planning some activities the girls should enjoy!

Walking was a good stress reliever today!

Tagged by Lynn

2008-11-16T08:08:00.003-05:00

Here's how it works: I am supposed to pick up the nearest book with at least 123 pages, turn to the 123rd page, find the 5th sentence, and then post the three sentences immediately after that. "

Here we go .... The Dawes Act Converts tribal lands to individual ownership. The intent is to encourage Indian assimilation.
The result is a substantial reduction in lands owned by Native Americans.

The entry is referring to the date 1887 and is found in Lynne Cheney's book " A Time for Freedom."

Here is one of my soap box statements..... The indians were discriminated against and you don't see them with their handout and crying discrimination! Matter of fact.... I dare you to find out how many of them were killed and what their population is now in comparison to the 1800's! Enough of that! I will only cause people to interpret my statements incorrectly.

Thanks for the tag! I do love books!

Knowledge doesn't make life easier

2008-11-13T18:16:00.003-05:00

I have been feeling rather melancholy lately. I think it is because the holiday's are upon us. Holiday's are supposed to be fun. I am completely aware of this. It is, however, the first holiday season without my dad.

Some of you know the story of my dad, but maybe not all the details. My dad was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the oral cavity. This diagnosis was after he had double by-pass and both carotids operated on. We found his first lesion on Thanksgiving day.... yet another reason this Thanksgiving will be hard. I hate to say especially for me, but I feel this way. You see I found his lesion at home in the living room. I kick myself over and over for not looking earlier. I missed the symptoms! I missed it! I know his doctor said it was found early, but obviously not early enough. I knew the whole time I was in dental hygiene school that my dad was high risk for this disease! I should have looked! I knew he wasn't seeing the dentist! No one was looking and neither did I! I know ultimately his death is not my fault, but I just miss him terribly! I had to teach my students to do this simple yet life saving examination today. I did not intend to share my story about daddy, but I cried as I was lecturing today! I blew it. I had to apologize and explain. I hope this class walks away understanding the importance of this simple, yet effective procedure. As I sat in the review class over the weekend I was reminded of the pathology side of this disease. I looked up some information too.

Merck.com
Prognosis
If carcinoma of the tongue is localized (no lymph node involvement), 5-yr survival is > 50%. For localized carcinoma of the floor of the mouth, 5-yr survival is 65%. Lymph node metastasis decreases survival rate by about 50%. Metastases reach the regional lymph nodes first and later the lungs.

Metastasis..... where does it go? Lungs, liver and bone. My dad had lung and liver cancer in the end. The second time the doctor diagnosed the oral cancer it was in the tonsil, the right tonsil. I knew at that point that we were all on borrowed time.

Okay, I am going to try to be "the cup is half full not empty". My dad did survive longer than the 5 years! He didn't have to have surgery that disfigured him. I am thankful for the additional years we had with him. My kids got to meet, know and love him. I will be forever blessed for that! It is just the first holiday season without him. Will it get easier? I hope and pray so. But today I know that knowledge doesn't always make life easier. At least not since the second diagnosis or even now!

God is still good and Daddy is resting at peace.

Thank you Joshua C. Poulsen

2008-11-13T18:13:00.002-05:00

Below you will find a post from a Veteran who fought for our freedom. I am glad Joshua felt the freedom to use my blog to tell his story! I have the upmost respect for any veteran, young or old.

On the 11th Day of the 11th month each year, Americans come together to honor those in uniform, the ones who sacrificed for our nation, on Veterans Day. As a veteran of the Iraq and Afghanistan, War on Terror, I urge everyone to take this day to not just thank a veteran, but to talk with veterans. Learn about how our experiences have shaped our lives and what issues we face as we make our transitions back to civilian life. I would like to explain my side of the story, my own experience.

When I joined the military I was a young, confused kid, who did not know much about life, due to being sheltered for most of my life by my over protective parents. I did not know much about the war, just that I was enraged at the hatred those terrorists had for all Americans and me. I wanted to help my country, to protect it at all cost, even giving up my life to do so. It may sound funny but when I initially tried to enlist in the military, I was to be a military post-man, but the job had already been taken. Since I am color-blind, I wasn’t able to have a range of opportunities in the military. My placement was therefore in Mortuary Affairs Specialist. I felt that I grew up quicker in my years in service than most people do in their whole lifetime.

I was nineteen years old on February 8th, 2002. It was kind of cold for Phoenix as I reached the Airport headed to Fort Jackson, in South Carolina for basic training. Upon reaching Fort Jackson, referred by some in the service as relaxant Jackson, I found that the life I had chosen would not be as easy as I thought. Those first couple of days I got a hair cut, issued uniforms, and learned the waiting line for training was long. During this time, since 9/11, there was a mass influx of new recruits; the Army had problems finding them units to train in. For me I was lucky kind of, since I had a school date that did not come around very often, they tried to offer me another job, but I turn them down, I was shipped from Fort Jackson, then to Fort Lenderwood Missionary. The Ozark Mountains are cold and during winter, it was unbearable. It was an extreme change for me because I was mostly familiar with the hot weather in Phoenix, AZ. Exercising and running in extreme weather with being out shape was horrible. There was no special treatment for anyone but the drill sergeants made me work twice as hard. The treatment I received was something similar to a movie, where the fat kid got picked on and abused, but it was some thing I needed in order to become who I need to be. Despite this, I worked hard, did everything I was ordered to do, and eventually I graduated from boot camp with a new physique. During graduation, my fellow recruits honored me with “The Most Changed Person” reward, the Order of the Dragoon.

I was off to my next challenge, training for my MOS. When I reached Fort Lee, Virginia, I missed my start date and had to wait for the next one. This meant that I couldn’t get a pass to go anywhere; I had to just sit at the barracks, clean the floors, and do KP duty. After awhile this routine got incommodious. I was so happy on Memorial Day 2002, because the next day I was scheduled to start school. Then all of a sudden, I had horrible stomach pains, and could not figure what it was. So I was sent me off to the ER, the doctors initially diagnosed appendix problems. The one-hour surgery was then scheduled immediately, however it took five hours to complete. Apparently, my appendix had been ruptured for over a month including basic training. The surgeons said I am so lucky to be alive. I got a month off to recover and relax. When I got back to Fort Lee, I had to wait another month for class, so eventually when I got to school; I did my best to learn about my job and almost graduated at the top of my class. The reason why I did not graduate at the top of my class was due to my stomach muscles not fully recovering, which made doing sit-ups very hard. I did it because I wanted to join my unit at Fort Lee.

My feelings of excitement and wanting to serve were still in tact even after months of prolong waiting and recovery. In order to be all that I could be, to be the best, I exceed my own abilities by 120%. The mindset I had, came a long way (physically from Phoenix and mentally from the first story I heard about the terrorist attacks), I had really changed for the better. In the first year, I received my first (minor) medal, the Army Achievement Medal. With this acknowledgement from the Army, I wanted to speed up my deployment overseas to Afghanistan, but that wasn’t going to happen until March 18th 2003. According to orders, my team that I was assigned to from my unit wasn’t schedule to arrive in Iraq first. Instead, I worked in the Theater Mortuary Affairs Evacuation Point, a place that went nonstop for the first three months.

Sleep was limited to when I did not hear a helicopter, and when body’s slowed down coming in. In the states I had worked at the Richmond Morgue, but war was different. Instead of just seeing some one you did not know in the states, in Kuwait you learn to know every one, due to them wearing the same uniform, and inventorying all their personal effects, you knew who they wear when they left. Not only was our job to process Americans, but we also helped process British, and any other Allies. During this time I saw the mistakes we made, such as shooting British helicopter down with Sam missiles, and killing Brazilin journalist when we hit the wrong building, during that time I saw the horrors that mankind was possible of. I start experiences, problems, and tried to seek medical help, but I was deferred and told I would be fine. My excitement had come to an end, and I start to get in trouble, pretty soon my 1st Sgt, thought that I was not experiencing enough of the war, so he sent me to the Iraq, Camp Alsad. In Camp Alsad, was slow, but became difficult. Some of the soldiers I ate with at the chow hall, and knew were head on a rest and relaxation mission, but instead of making it, their helicopter was shot down. My team had to go clean the site, recover the bodies, and inventory their belongings. Man life is tough, but even tougher if you know the people. There were two other tough missions. The first were, when three Special Forces soldiers had been killed, when they were given orders not to shoot into a crowd even if they were receiving fire, not only did we have to process their bodies, but we also had to process the bodies of the people who had killed them. We are mortuary affairs first, and as such we have a moral obligation not to look at uniform, or lack of one, but to look at the person and understand their journey had come to a end, and it was our job to treat them with respect because every one has family and friends that care for them, it was not are job to judge right or wrong, which is very hard. The second tough mission was when we went with a convoy head to a site, that they had reportedly killed Sadam Husain, but in fact the compound was filled with animals and women and children. I do not think the Air Force meant to kill them, they were trying to do there job in following cell phone singles, and when they split, they went after the most likely target. On this mission two things had happened. One back in Alsad I was having bad night terrors, but the person in charge of my team figured the answer was not sending me back, but instead was to put me on night duty, and to change the location I slept on, in the location I was, this almost spelled disaster for me and my friend, when I woke up and started to scream at the top of my lungs, the people sleeping around the truck react and were about to shoot in the back of the truck, when my Sgt yelled stop he is just dreaming, oh thank god. The second thing is as I stated before, we are trained to respect the dead, and their belongings. This did not transfer to the people there, instead they were ordered to bury everything, destroy all evidence and move on. That pretty much covers Iraq.

When I got back to the states, I faced many hardships under the care of the Army. I am like millions of other veterans dealing with mental and physical scars of war. Most Americans will never know about these issues because it is not covered in the news or articles. The Army has become a two-sided issue for me; it was once a place where I wanted to succeed at being a great solider and fight for our rights and our country. Now that I came home I am still fighting another battle, however, this fight, I fight alone. I am trying to cope with sudden flashbacks, traumatizing combat events, hyper-vigilance to the recurrence of danger, feelings of numbness, low self-esteem, rage, and lapses in concentration. All of these have caused me to descend in my quality of life. I thought the Army and my unit would continue to care for me, treat me as a fellow solider, and assist me with finding resources for coping and healing. However, this was not the case, my unit classified me as a troublemaker, an unfit solider. As a result, they discharged me out of the Army abruptly without taking responsibility for the causes of my PTSD illnesses. Like other soldiers, I tried to reach out for help but once the system failed, I tried to commit suicide twice during my service. Luckily, both times, one of my few friends stopped me. This incident put me in a mental hospital involuntarily, where they doped me up on strong medicines, and no one cared to seek the reasons behind the action. I wasn’t allowed to receive my care at the Army hospital, because if procedures were followed, there would have been a long investigation and no one wanted to take the time to take care of their wounded soldiers with PTSD. Instead, I was discharged immediately with personality disorder. This seems to be the common practice for the Army, not just in my case but also 20,000 other veterans. At 5 P.M. September 16, 2004, my last official orders from the Army were, TO GET OUT!! Heavily medicated, I received my car keys, and was told to drive over 5000 miles, all the way home to Phoenix, Arizona. My feelings that proscribed afterwards are indescribable.

Even though I am still in my own body, this whole experience has shaped my life. Following my physical return home to Phoenix, AZ, I, however, didn’t return home with my state of mentality. My homecoming wasn’t what I imagined, that is because it was based on tv and movies I’ve seen about returning soldiers as hero’s. I became hospitalized time and time again.

Don’t worry, my story gets better and does have a great beginning. This new chapter in my life begins with the chance meeting the love of my life, my wife. With her continued support, I am able to handle some things on my own. A great support system, love, understanding, and patience, is what I think all soldiers should have and receive upon their return home. After all, the important issue is that we are all humans! With the good and the bad, we will always have our memories.

So on this Veterans Day and every day the best way to honor our veterans is to connect with them. So please remember and honor our fellow humans, our veterans. Without recognition from our family and friends, it doesn’t seem like all of our efforts make a difference. Many of us new veterans are being left behind, we have honored you by defending your rights, and all we ask is to welcome us home.

Sincerely,
Joshua C. Poulsen
Iraq and Afghanistan Veteran

I love Maxine!

2008-11-11T20:30:00.003-05:00

She is right.... there is more of my "butt" each year to save! Thanks for saving it! :o)

Veterans Day Thank you!

2008-11-11T20:26:00.002-05:00

This is just a simple "Thank you" to all who have served our country. Thank you to my father-in-law, Larry! Many have served and many have died for our freedom.

Freedom is not free!

Don't forget to thank a veteran today!

I miss my mom!

2008-11-11T20:15:00.004-05:00

I miss my mom. I talk to her on the phone everyday. Since Sophia got injured and moved in mom's house I haven't talked to her as much. I have still called, but she has become a woman of few words. Let's just say....things have been tough around there. So tough that mom has gone to my brother's house. Let's call him "the big bad wolf".

I know, I know.... how terrible of me! If you have followed my blog for very long you will understand. I just can't call my mom. I don't call my brother's house when mom isn't there so I won't call when she is there. I told mom I would let her do the calling, but I really miss her. I haven't talked to her for over 5 days. I can't remember the last time I went that long without talking to her. It has been at least over 10 years! I guess this is preparation for the future.

But..... I miss my mom!