I have been feeling rather melancholy lately. I think it is because the holiday's are upon us. Holiday's are supposed to be fun. I am completely aware of this. It is, however, the first holiday season without my dad.
Some of you know the story of my dad, but maybe not all the details. My dad was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the oral cavity. This diagnosis was after he had double by-pass and both carotids operated on. We found his first lesion on Thanksgiving day.... yet another reason this Thanksgiving will be hard. I hate to say especially for me, but I feel this way. You see I found his lesion at home in the living room. I kick myself over and over for not looking earlier. I missed the symptoms! I missed it! I know his doctor said it was found early, but obviously not early enough. I knew the whole time I was in dental hygiene school that my dad was high risk for this disease! I should have looked! I knew he wasn't seeing the dentist! No one was looking and neither did I! I know ultimately his death is not my fault, but I just miss him terribly! I had to teach my students to do this simple yet life saving examination today. I did not intend to share my story about daddy, but I cried as I was lecturing today! I blew it. I had to apologize and explain. I hope this class walks away understanding the importance of this simple, yet effective procedure. As I sat in the review class over the weekend I was reminded of the pathology side of this disease. I looked up some information too.
Merck.com
Prognosis
If carcinoma of the tongue is localized (no lymph node involvement), 5-yr survival is > 50%. For localized carcinoma of the floor of the mouth, 5-yr survival is 65%. Lymph node metastasis decreases survival rate by about 50%. Metastases reach the regional lymph nodes first and later the lungs.
Metastasis..... where does it go? Lungs, liver and bone. My dad had lung and liver cancer in the end. The second time the doctor diagnosed the oral cancer it was in the tonsil, the right tonsil. I knew at that point that we were all on borrowed time.
Okay, I am going to try to be "the cup is half full not empty". My dad did survive longer than the 5 years! He didn't have to have surgery that disfigured him. I am thankful for the additional years we had with him. My kids got to meet, know and love him. I will be forever blessed for that! It is just the first holiday season without him. Will it get easier? I hope and pray so. But today I know that knowledge doesn't always make life easier. At least not since the second diagnosis or even now!
God is still good and Daddy is resting at peace.
3 comments:
Yep, I've pretty much crashed and burned.
This first t-day is hard enough by itself...add that our family is in the most terrible mess it has ever been in...separated, broken, violent,angry...the list goes on...this magnifies it all. Praises Sophie is healing, but everyone else is nearly destroyed. I have no idea what the outcome will be...maybe worse than it is now. Who knows? Only God. I pray we have the strength to survive. Poor mom, her worst fears coming to light, unprotected and out of her home. My heart breaks for my family.
Rock bottom here.
There is much I could say to both of you - but an old Hebrew tradition that Job's friend did well for wa while was to just come along side and listen and be silent and love on you. When you talk, talk and when you are silent be there anyway.
I will try to be that for both of you.
Since you talked - isn't it interesting that you are comforting one another, talking to one another, seeking the Lord at the same time. That has not always been true that you have had hope in the midst of dire circumstances. There is some half full or more going on!
You both are also impacting others and calling us all to truly live today with our families. So let me encourage you to keep living with your family and make some memories - didn't some one say to you many times - "Count your Blessings"
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving! You have encouraged me to!
You and Sondie are breaking patterns for the next generation. Look at all of this turmoil as trusting God to break unhealthy patterns for your children. It will be the hardest thing you will ever go through,but in the light of eternity what is that? I am praying for you both. Love, Lynn
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