Hi Ho, Hi Ho, back to work I go!

I have enjoyed my two weeks off work. I even worked a little. Not on work, but on things like unpacking two, yes, just two boxes. I, also, worked on homework. Ugh, why did I do this to myself? I didn't clean the house! Hehehehehehehehe! Only what had to absolutely get done. We went on vacation. It was a nice, relaxing week. And finally on Elisabeth's scrapbook for honor star crowning. For those of you that don't know what this is.... it has taken her 3 years to complete. She has read the New Testament completely and memorized 27 scriptures. She had to take a written test on those scriptures. Not just a simple fill in the blank, but write every word. She has honored not only the last 3 years, but the last 8 years. Wow! I am so proud of her! Not for just the worldly mom reasons, but the "raise them right and they will honor the Lord" reasons. I pray she will always seek and honor the Lord because of the foundation she has built in the Lord. We took pictures of her in her dress. I don't remember if I told you about the dress, but if so, entertain me for a moment. My MIL made it from my left over bridal satin. My satin was 17 years old and I never thought about it even being found, let alone to have a dress made from it 17 years later. It is amazing that I found it in the garage of packed boxes. Any way, here is one of the many pictures...


This is not the one we are using in her scrapbook. Because of the sun spots! :o(

IN HONOR OF THE OFH's!

Mayhem in Memphis

The picture above was taken on Thursday morning. The week was an interesting week. We had no hot water the first day and had to run down the hall for a shower. The third day we saw roaches in our room. Not just one... seven at one time! Yuck! Then on Thursday morning it was raining and the thunder was so loud it sounded awful! Once I got up I noticed the police car had hit a pole! How funny! The hotel was good to give us one day for free!

The night before this we watch a man on the street. He started in a wheel chair and ended up lying on the street. We wondered if he was dead. We watched him for about 5 hours. Finally some cops showed up. I decided that Memphis needs an enema! I say that kiddingly, of course. It was sad.

Memphis is an interesting town. I ate Memphis dry rub ribs. I don't even like ribs, but they were great! I went to Graceland. It was an amazing place. It reminded me of mom. Everything reminds me of mom these days. It is had for me to believe it has only been just shy of four months! This time last year, I was moving and mom was coming to see me in my new house. My how time flies and things change.

I am officially doing homework. It is okay, but my brain doesn't work like it used to. I read and read and read and read to understand. It also doesn't help that I have so many other responsibilities. I will be successful! It may kill me, but I will make it!

I have decided my brain is a sieve

As you know, I have spent this week in Memphis, TN for orientation. Well, it was not just orientation! It was class. I have been working on homework. I have been completely humbled by this experience and have many hours of homework ahead. I have really struggled to complete my homework with a clear and organized head. I read one chapter 4 times before I understood what it was trying to tell me. I know I am not that "thick". Footnote: it is a nursing book and not a hygiene book. I think it had to do with the time of the day I was attempting to read it. One of the big things I am going to have to figure out is when my brain is at its best. My brain is almost 39 and it doesn't function the way it did when I was a student in college at 17 to 21! I honestly felt like my brain was a sieve this week! I will blog later about some of the other aspects of this week, but will finish up by saying I am humbled to be a part of my class. These women are phenomenal!

Life is ever changing!

Why the tooth? Life is ever changing. Some of you who follow (the few and the brave) may have noticed that a new blog has shown up on my profile. It is a blog that is part of my new "change". You see, I am packing to spend a week in Memphis for an orientation to graduate school. You heard it! I am going back to school. I think I must be crazy! The tooth picture is in honor of graduate school. I am working toward my MDH in education aka.. teaching dental hygiene. I already do that, but without the masters degree.

I am scared, but think it will be a good thing to focus on right now instead of my grief..... I hear you all saying " You have to grieve"! I won't stop grieving, but it will help me not to grieve 24 X 7! It will give me a focus for my time. It will also help my children to understand education is important. So important that their mother is going back to school. They are also big enough that they don't need me as much as when they were toddlers.

Please pray for Elisabeth. She is have some separation anxiety. She is afraid that something will happen to me and her dad, so she doesn't want to leave us. I think this is normal, after all her world was rocked when my dad and mom died and Grandad was so sick too! She cried last night when I mentioned being away for a week. I appreciate your prayers for her. She is at such a delicate age. As much as she doesn't need me in the same way she did as a toddler, she does still need me. Pray for balance in my life.

Thanks to you, my few followers. I appreciate that you haven't been scared of by my meandering of the mind! You are brave to still be reading my blog... the deaths of my parents has officially made me "weird".

Treading Water

Well, here we are again. Treading water. The last few weeks have been busy. I had my in-laws visit for ten days. It was a ten day reminder of the losses I have had over the last year. Elisabeth had her 11th birthday. We haven't had a party for her because of Malakhi's baseball. He is playing on a travel team. The biggest thing is the fourth of July and today... my dad's birthday.

We went to Harkers Island for the fourth and I didn't have internet. It was a nice weekend. It was "unfamiliar", which was good. There were no reminders of the losses. I didn't even need to feel guilty for not being with family. You see, the fourth has always been "Christmas in July" for my family. With my dad's birthday on the sixth we always had a huge party. No laughing.. we actually got hotdog buns. You see, I am from a very poor family and the only time we got buns for our hotdogs was on the fourth. Mom also made homemade coleslaw. We had galvanized tubs of ice with drinks and watermelon.... oh, so much fun. Everybody in the community always stopped by to wish my dad a happy birthday. Well, all that has changed. This is the second year without daddy and the first without mommy. I wonder if it will ever get any easier? Will I ever stop missing them? Will the fourth ever feel the same? Like Christmas in July? Happy Birthday Daddy. I asked Jesus to tell you this for me today. I know it doesn't matter because you are sitting at his feet and your birthday is unimportant, but it makes me feel better. Like I can still talk to you. I know it isn't true but until I get to heaven I will just keep treading water and living in my fantasy world!

Jelly and Hangers

I know you are wondering what jelly has to do with hangers!

Grief strikes at the weirdest times and the weirdest things will trigger it! Last year after my dad died and we had moved to our new house I found a bundle of wire hangers. They reminded me of my dad because he had tied them with twine. That bundle of wire hangers hangs in the closet under the staircase. I can't help but think of the love my dad showed me thru out the years as I look at those hangers. He and my mom helped me pack my house in 11 days to move two states when my children were both less than 2! The newest trigger was jelly! On Father's day I was looking in the pantry for a vegetable for dinner. Instead I found 3 jars of jelly my mom made with my dad's help. I pushed them aside and kept looking. After a few seconds I picked them up and carried them into my bedroom. I realized if someone ate them I would be devastated! I got some weird looks from my kids as I was walked thru the living room with tears streaming down my face and my arms full of jelly. My dad always helped my mom make jelly, so you can imagine how old this jelly is. It can't be eaten and I wouldn't let it anyway. Those jars of jelly and that bundle of hangers are the result of the work of my parents hands. Hands that aren't capable of making anymore jelly or tying any more twine around a bundle of hangers. The jelly is sitting in my room. Almost like a shrine. I don't know if I can ever part with the jelly and hangers. I still miss Mommy and Daddy terribly and it amazes me how many times I still think about how unbelievable it is that... Mommy is really gone! After a year I have connected with my daddy's death, I hope... Maybe a year from now I will have connected with mommy's death too!

My husband was at a complete loss when he saw my jelly! I haven't memorialized anything so you can imagine why this is hard for him to understand. :o) Can anyone understand? I don't think they are capable unless they have had both parents to die. It's okay. I will continue to work thru my grief with my arms full of jelly and hangers! :o)