A major milestone in my journey

I will probably talk in riddles to those of you who really don't know me at all, but I will try to make some sense to you.

I received some terrible news about someone who hurt me deeply. This family hurt me about 20 years ago. For the last 20 years I have tried to let go of that hurt. The hurt was deep. I was so young and I didn't really understand much about life. This occurrence in my life almost shattered me emotionally, professionally and spiritually. I have had baggage from this hurt for all of my adult life. Baggage that has affected my marriage and the relationship with my husband's family. It has been a large source of my insecurities. Feeling of inadequacies, of never being good enough, unworthy of love and acceptance.

One of the members of this family has been diagnosed with cancer. Not one that people usually recover from either. At first I said " We reap what we sow." My heart was immediately sorry for giving into my flesh! How could I be so callous when I am grieving the death of my father. This person, let's call her Mary for fun. Mary is loved by someone. Even if I can't imagine why! She is a daughter, wife, mother, grandmother.... she has a soul. A soul that is in danger of hell fire if she hasn't changed her ways since I knew her. Regardless of the hurt she inflicted on me she is loved by a heavenly father. Mary also is grieving the death of her mother. Her mother died two weeks ago. My heart is burdened.

I will not know how Mary's treatment goes or her prognosis, but I will pray for her and her family. When her death comes I pray she will be ready to stand before God and that she enters into heaven. I pray for her husband, children and grandchildren as they will grieve someone they love. I will never be welcome to pay my respects so I will do what I know is right and pray. Please pray for her too.

As I laid down to go to bed last night I earnestly prayed for her for the first time in 20 years! For her family, her health, her soul. I prayed for someone who hurt me so deeply with such compassion. As I type, I shed tears for her family. I shed tears because I am finally free of BITTERNESS against the hurt that was inflicted so many years ago. FREE! What a beautiful word! I just didn't realize I was free. When did I break free? Was it as I prayed last night or have I been free for years but satan blinded me?

This is a major milestone in my journey to heaven. I have to forgive others! Forgiveness is not a choice. I know I have other hurts in my life that I will continue to work to overcome, but this one is a major milestone for me! I have often wondered if I would be a slave to this hurt for eternity. I know the scar will remain, but the hurt is gone (I think, at least it feels that way right now).