Today marks a very important day in a journey my family is taking...ready or not! Hospice admitted my dad and delivered his hospital bed. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer a few short weeks ago (March 10 if I am not mistaken). We were not surprised. My dad has had oral cancer two times previously. How ironic is this since I am a dental hygienist. I teach. Wow, what a lecture it becomes when I talk about finding my dad's first cancerous lesion on Thanksgiving day 1999 in his living room. I always tell my students "you never know whose life you might save." Well, as my dad's cancer has metastasized from the oral cavity to the lung I have had almost ten additional years with my dad. My children have come to know him in those years. My daughter was barely a year old when dad was first diagnosed and now she is almost ten! What a blessing that both my children will have memories of my dad. Not just memories but wonderful memories.
As we go through this journey I felt the need to write. Just let me tell you, I am not a writer. The writer is my twin sister and I recommend you visit her blog. Once I figure this blogging thing out I will link her. She is sonderella.
My family is doing everything we can to help my dad on his journey to heaven. We are going to add a room onto the house (down stairs) so Mommy and Daddy can spend his last days together. My mom has not been able to walk up the stairs for several years so it is necessary to create a space for them.
Dad longs to be with Jesus. I will share a few scriptures that spoke to me along this journey.
I am going through some (hopefully) normal emotions. I am angry and weird. I am not angry with people just the situation. A hopeless and helpless situation. Hopeless for who you may ask...well, the ones left behind of course! I know it is selfish of me, but I am not ready for my dad to be with Jesus. I am also not wishing him to suffer: thus the hopeless situation. Helpless because I can do nothing to stop the devestation of cancer. I am weird because I don't know how to handle the situation. I need to be strong for my children and my mother, but how?
My parents have been married for 51 years! How can two people spend that much time together and then say goodbye? My dad says it is never goodbye, only see you later! He is a wise man and will be missed greatly! My mom was an orphan. She is surprisingly strong yet afraid of life without daddy. According to her words, "No one except your dad ever loved me". I understand why she is afraid. I tried to tell her that we all love her....but somehow it just isn't the same. My dad has been her care giver for several years and now the mantle has been passed to us (The Old Fat Hogs-more on that later). We have all told mom we can never fill daddy's shoes but we will do our best.
Come and go with us.....To my father's house. John 14:2 In my fathers house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.
