Book Review- The Orphaned Adult

I read this book as a self-help book and it is written by Alexander Levy. A great hospice counselor recommended it. My heart skipped a beat when she said the title. Since Mom has passed away I have felt orphaned. I have had so many fellow christians to say, " You are not an orphan! You are a child of God!" I agree, however, I no longer have earthly parents. This book explains that feeling. It is normal when both parents have passed away to feel orphaned. He uses the analogy of driving down the road of life and being able to look in the rear view mirror and see your parents. Parents who have taught you since conception. Parents who have supported and loved through out good times and bad. But once your parents pass away upon looking in that mirror there is no longer parents to find that support or get advice about situations. Thus the feeling of being an orphan or alone. This book also explains that we should give grace to people who don't understand because they don't have the ability to understand being an orphan until both of their parents are deceased. He explains that after the death of the first parent children typically do not own grief. They leave that part to the surviving parent and the child takes the role of worrying about and caring for the surviving parent. He also says that once that surviving parent dies the surviving child or children must then own their grief. Siblings are not support for one another because they are all in the same situation trying to grieve.

I can attest to all of those things. In the last year, I worried about my mother daily. I called her daily, sometimes multiple times just to check on her. I even helped her purchase she and daddy's grave stone to help her grieve. Now, I have no one to worry over. I have had to face my loss head on. It has been difficult. Difficult in ways I could not imagine prior to mommy dying. Each day I called her during my drive home from the office. Now I struggle emotionally each day because I can't call her. When will I stop thinking "Oh, gotta call mommy!". I miss sharing my joys. Joys of my children's successes. Things like Malakhi's home run last weekend and the kids earning the highest possible scores on every End of Grade test they took this school year. I can't call her to find out what the "secret" ingredient was in my favorite dish. I can't call for advice on raising my daughter. My mom was one of my very best friends who I can no longer talk to. Elisabeth will honor star crown and I can't get a letter for the scrap book I am making for her from my mom. A mom who was so instrumental in helping me to become the woman I am and the mother I hope to be. People don't understand because they can still call their mother. I must allow people to not understand, but they must also allow me the freedom to feel and grieve anyway I need to. I don't grieve publicly because of judgement. It has been two months tomorrow since she died. Two months? That's all? It feels like forever and yesterday all at the same time. But people expect grief to be the few days around the services, but I can tell you it takes longer than that. My mom has been an intricate part of my life for almost 39 years I can not expect to be over it in a month or two. I will just keep it inside the walls of my home.

I would recommend this book for anyone grieving the loss of both parents. :o)