Monday Greetings

I like this little pig. It looks so happy! And boy, oh boy, I do need a little happy! I think we all do.

The weather has been beautiful. My roses are out in full bloom. I'll bet I have two dozen already.

Hope your Monday was "happy"!

A year

Has it really been a year without you daddy? It feels like yesterday in some ways and forever in other ways. I miss you! Now that mommy is gone too I feel like an orphan... I am no ones daughter. I have no one to call for advice, recipes or encouragement.

I am thankful my mom didn't have to face this day. Even though the pain is fresh from her death. It is difficult to separate the grief. Am I grieving mom or dad? I think both. We will have another year of first. I had hoped not to experience moms death so soon.

I did set up Hospice camp for the kids and I am going with them. I know it will do us all some good.

The kids are asking really hard questions this time.

RIP Daddy! RIP Mommy!

Making a Handbag and coin purse

Elisabeth and I spent about an hour this evening making these. It is for a "Free Marketing" project at school. She will sell these to her class mates for classroom dollars. She may call her business " Reduce, Reuse, Recycle". I think she is creative! All the girls in the class wants one. Everyone from several classes are giving her their trash to make into treasures. She is a real blessing to have in my life! Mom would be proud of our creative abilities!

Two weeks

Two weeks ago today my mom died. Has it really been two weeks? Have you really been gone only two weeks. It seems like a short time and a long time! Not speaking to her for two weeks seems like a long time since I spoke to her everyday. Not seeing her seems like a short time since I didn't see her often. It is all perception.

I miss her.

The Call

I finally made the call to Hospice for grief counseling. I have put off that call since daddy died. Now it is necessary to face. I want to have the kids go to some counseling. I will probably attend some as well.

Based on the website we are doing things to help the process, but it is always good to have professional help. I have already had the kids to meet with their counselor at school too.

These steps are necessary to make a better recovery!

Colored Eggs

My mom always celebrated holidays with every fiber of her being! She was always happy no matter what the circumstances of life were. She was always smiling no matter what! If life handed her lemons she made lemonade. So you can imagine when I forgot the egg coloring kit I thought of mom. She ALWAYS made sure we colored eggs. My mom would have been so disappointed in my lack of celebration. I didn't make it out to the store to pick up a kit, so I did the next best thing. I got out the crayons and we colored eggs. It was definitely something mom would have come up with! I know she would be proud.
Here are the eggs we colored yesterday!

The Apple Tree

Several years ago I was cutting an apple up for the kids, myself and my dad to eat. We were sharing. When I cut the apple open 5 seeds had started to sprout. My dad was amazed that the seeds had sprouted inside the apple. He decided he was going to plant them and see if they would grow. The kids were probably 2 and 4 years old. They are now 9 and almost 11.

He tended these little seeds and one of them grew into a small tree. He wanted me to have the little tree. I planted it in the front yard of the house we moved away from in August 2008. I wanted to move the tree to our new house but had to wait until it was the right time of the year.

A few weeks ago when my mom was visiting, her last visit, we wanted to move the apple tree. It wasn't in bloom enough to move. I was disappointed because I thought it would be great for my mom to witness the move.

Yesterday the tree was moved to it's new home. I promised mommy and daddy I would get the tree moved and I did. I am so appreciative of my brother in law Aaron and his new wife. They were such a big help.

I know my mom and dad do not live in this tree, but it matters. My Daddy and I shared the apple that this tree came from. It reminds me of the green thumb my daddy had. He could grow anything! I hope my tree lives. It is wilted right now, but I know we have done the best we can to help it survive.

Once the tree grows up, I want to place a bench under it so I can sit and think about the hands that lovingly planted that little seed. If I could only have the faith of a little seed the season I am in would not seem so hard.

Happy Easter. Celebrate because Jesus is alive and I have hope of seeing my mom and dad again. I do have faith in that!

Blessings to you and yours. :o)

Miles away

I just feel so many miles away from the people who really understand my loss. I guess to sum it up.... I feel lonely. I wonder do they feel lonely too?

RIP Mommy

Geneva Ann Newhouse

Died April 2, 2009 at 10:15 A.M. less than one year (April 22, 2008) after the love of her life went on to be with Jesus. She was 69 years old.

I heard her pray her last time. It was so moving and beautiful. She and Jesus had church!

Rest in Peace Mommy!

The last two weeks!

It was a grueling week! But I will discuss the last two.

My mom came to NC for a visit. She was at my house for 3 1/2 days and then went to Sondie's house for 3 1/2 days. She didn't look good. I noticed right away her face was swollen and full. She thought it was a side effect of one of her medications. I sang "funny face I love you" to her. While she was with me her blood sugar was out of control. It has never been out of control. She could hardly get up and move and she slept a lot. Almost all the time.

On Tuesday she got results to blood work and found out she was in kidney failure and she needed to see a specialist. She refused! She told us "NO DIALYSIS!"

Last Thursday she left to go back home. On her way she fell at the rest area. She couldn't get up and asked my niece to call an ambulance. She dislocated her left shoulder. Later we found out that it was also broken. Sondie and I took off to help my niece at the hospital. They were about 3 hours from all the family. My niece had two children (4 and 7 years old) in addition to my mother. What a grueling day for her! She was torn between wanting to be with my mom and not leaving the girls in the waiting room. My sister, Donna, fell that day at the same time. Donna and mom were both in emergency rooms, different ones, at the same time! (side note: Donna is the sister who lives and takes care of my mother)

Mom was released from the hospital in Mt. Airy, NC on Friday. Sondie and I continued on to WV to assist my niece in the trip. Mom couldn't hardly get up. We weren't sure what to do. Saturday she stopped urinating very much and Sondie had noticed in the hospital her urine was strong and cola or tea colored with sediment in it. By Sunday my mom was in terrible pain and we were worried she had dislocated her shoulder again. We called an ambulance and took mom back to the hospital. That was a week ago today. Saturday (last week) seemed like a death watch. We ordered a hospital bed and tried to keep mom comfortable. It was awful. So when we followed the ambulance out of the "holler" we felt like it was mom's last ride. It was awful. I thought I was over reacting because of losing daddy.

At the hospital we found out that mom was in full renal failure. Acute Renal Failure. WOW! Sondie and I drove home to NC on Sunday evening knowing we were going back the next day. I researched ARF and found out the survival rate was bleak. I spent two hours at work on Monday and then took off to WV. Donna had called at 7 to let me know she didn't think mom was going to make it.

We tried a few things medically to jump start her kidney's but to no avail. On Tuesday we went to comfort measures so mom could die.

Mom passed away on Thursday, April 2 at 10:15. Less than a year since my daddy died. We didn't see this one coming, but we did get to spend mom's last 4 days with her just like we did with daddy. There are more details but I am exhausted and can't share them in writing right now.

All I know is my mom and dad are both gone and I am only 38 years old. HOW did this happen already. My mom was only 69!

The doctors decided the cause of her Acute Renal Failure was the auto immune disorder she had been fighting. She had Pemphigus Bolus and Linear IGG. It is rare and attacked her immune system. Her kidneys, thyroid, diabetes.....etc.... her last blood work showed this.

Sondie and I have talked about daddy spending his last Easter in NC with us in 2008, but little did we know it was Mommies last Easter too! Mommy and Daddy's last trips were to NC to see us. You see Daddy and Mommy couldn't come to my house last year.... it was on the market! Funny... it still is, we just moved on... Thank God... because this time mommy could visit me!

GO REST HIGH ON THAT MOUNTAIN MOMMY! YOUR WORK ON EARTH IS DONE!