Tantrum

I had a tantrum this morning. I am so overwhelmed with LIFE

Without being specific there are several things going on in my life. I have just a few weeks left in this crazy five week semester. I must say, in the five summers I have coordinated clinic this is the best of them all. I know you wonder how? All I can say is it has been. I talked with my one co-worker today about the issues yesterday. It was a huge misunderstanding. I will say this co-worker has been difficult to deal with. Like I said yesterday... stress in the personal life.

I sent an e-mail last week about an occurrence that bothered Joel (not that I haven't been bothered by it in the past). I was blown off in a sense. Well, we are back to the next time we need to be in the situation. I don't think a single thing has changed. I know you don't understand this round about writing. Just know it is a stressful situation. I don't think I have shared this particular situation with anyone. Joel will follow up with a call tonight. I don't think the lady who blew me off realized Joel would step in. I hate it when he feels strongly about something (although I like it too, because he is leading and protecting his family. And that is a wonderful thing). He is a fairly easy man to get along with, but he is also a man of few words. If he speaks.... whew, all I can say is I am glad it isn't me. He is going above the lady to the next step.

I can't help but wonder if I would handle all these stressors differently if I wasn't grieving. I don't feel like I have had the time or opportunity to really grieve. And do I even know how to grieve? When I think about crying.... I blow it off and say.... I don't have time for that.

I appreciate my husband. He is a good leader and provider. I know we have our shortcomings as people but he is more than I could have ever hoped for in a spouse. In some ways he reminds me of my dad. It is those strengths I will focus on.

After my tantrum this morning a patient in clinic was a messenger and told me "God has it all under control and you are going to be alright. " I told him... I needed to hear that. Wow, God cares enough to send a messenger. Boy, does that make me feel really small? You can't imagine how that makes me feel.