Death Bed and Gallows

My dad told his hospice nurse his death bed had been delivered and his gallows are being built. The construction has already begun for my dads "gallows" as he put it. My dad is trying to have a good attitude. The hardest thing for me today is the fact that my dad slept in the living room last night instead of climbing the stairs to his room. He has always said he would continue to stay upstairs until he had to scoot down the stairs on his bottom. Well, that day has come. It seems my dad is dealing better than the rest of us.

When I called this evening there was a flurry of activity. Mom says everyone is just keeping busy. Busy you may ask? Busy doing what? Busy building the "gallows" of course.

I had a better day today. I didn't seem to cry so much, so I suppose writing is helping. I am afraid of who might read what I write since it is posted on the World Wide Web. I would hate for my students to find my blog. Why you ask? I don't want them to see me being so weak. I think some of my co-workers might be afraid I would share the link to this "sacred" place. I am not comfortable (there is that irritating word again) sharing my intimate thoughts and feelings with co-workers or students. I know the students see too many tears because today they brought me a pink Hyacinth and a card. Hopefully my students will not see very many more tears. I think it was so thoughtful of the students, but it makes me feel bad for not being strong. On the other hand I don't know how to be strong when my daddy is going to the "gallows" and even watching them being built. I know "what doesn't kill me will make me stronger"!