Do you ever feel lost? Wouldn't it feel great to have a tag like the pictured here! I feel lost right now. It seems I am making mistakes consistently. There is always someone there to point the mistake out. I wondered today if I was starting to lose my sense of sanity. With the group I am around daily things get twisted. I hear....you said.....when in fact what I said has been taken out of context. Sometimes an innocent mistake becomes a huge fiasco. What was an innocent misunderstanding suddenly became a mistake I made today. I was told a week or so ago that "someone has to be the fall guy" and today I became the "scape goat". Someone in the group validated my observation without me pointing it out. That was nice, but how long can I continue to take the hit? It is harder and harder to take that hit with everything going on with my dad. Thus feeling lost. What do I do next? Each day I call there is more and more negative news. As my dad has said, " I just have too many guns pointing at me right now." I understand how he feels. As I was talking to my mom today she got confused as to who she was even talking to! My sister took the phone to give me the bad news update and when she gave my mom the phone back she thought I was Sonderella instead of me. It is hard to see her crashing! She told one of my sisters she will not live long after daddy passes. I know studies have shown that the spouse left lives an average of 18 months after their spouse of many years passes. I know mommy isn't well, but the thought of losing them both is hard to accept. I know...as my dad would say "Worry about the things you can help, not what you can't help". We definitely have enough to worry about without adding to it.
What does the bible say about the lost? I think about the story of the lost sheep found in Luke (15) I know if I truly get "lost" God will come looking for me and find me because he has put a tag on my back and I belong to him. He knows what I need and provides for me. Even when I don't know he is around! Even when I feel like he is being silent. Is he really silent or am I too busy to hear him. I need to listen to hear his voice. The Bible says in John (10:3) that the sheep knows and hears his voice. I am his and he is mine.....I just need to remember that and not feel lost in this big world of trouble. Another one of my dad's sayings is....Count your blessings and you will forget about your troubles. My dad just told me last week to let God lead me....Daddy is still taking care of us in the midst of his own "nightmare"!
God find me! Please!
3 comments:
God has you in the palm of his hand...He is leading you through mighty waters even when you can't see his footsteps. I know that you do feel lost in the midst of it all. With everything going on with dad it will hopefully show you how small the job issues are. Certainly difficult, but not gut wrenching. Not easy, but with the thought of losing dad doesn't it pale in comparison? Allow it to pale and don't get your BP any higher. I love you and share in your sorrow. Hang in there-stand Susie, stand strong. You can do this with God's help. Sorry things at work have to flare now of all times.
We are funny...we were posting on each others' blogs at the same time!
Amen sister! Find me, too!
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