My brother continues to bully! He proceeded to empty the garage at my mom's and took all of my dad's clothes. Once again no one stood up to him. All I can say is I am glad I was not there! It could have been ugly! He told my mom "I am done with her!" I am glad he is done with me. Maybe I won't have to worry about him being abusive to me any longer! I think I deal with guilt because families are not supposed be like we are...they are supposed to love each other and get along. I can only pray it isn't my issue, but his.
Sonderella and I talked today about the blow up the day after my dad died and she said it is just easier if the girls stay clear of "brother bully" and not cause issues. I agree with her, but that day it took everything in me not to curse him and knock his head off. I just hate the control he has over us.
As I said in my earlier post....I love my sisters....they mean the world to me. I know we will always be close. My dad's death has been very stressful and I know we were all trying to cope. I have thought about the middle sister...I mean the one right in the middle.....she is the one that generally gets along with the two older sibs and the twins....she really worked hard to keep peace during those eight stressful days. I can't image the pressure she felt! My oldest sister fell apart...I didn't image she would ever fall so completely apart. So imagine with me for a minute.....there are 5 of us....
1....Bully Brother
2....Sister falling apart
3....Middle sister trying to be glue
4....Twin 1
5....Twin 2
Can you imagine the chaos.....Twin 1 could have several labels ( I am twin 1) the tall twin, the whinny twin.....these are two that have followed me since childhood....Twin 2 could have several labels as well....I will not use them here because I love her too much to hurt her with these unfair labels.....
It is so hard to "break free" of being the things we have been viewed as all our lives....God sees me as someone completely different than my siblings I view me...People who know me as an adult see me as someone different than my sibs view me as....Who do I see myself as? That is what matters most!
Notice I have not listed anything about myself in my profile or on my blog...I am not sure how I see myself. I think at one point I knew who I was in Christ and now I am not sure.
The blog page that started out as a Journey for my dad has now turned into "MY JOURNEY TO HEAVEN" I need to find myself again...find out who I am in Christ!
I have seen some good things come from my dad's death....Maybe finding myself again will be one of them....I know God has good plans for me. I have a few appropriate scriptures to confirm this...
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.
And
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
2 comments:
Families - I do not know one that has it all together - when you find one, don't get to know them well or you will find out they are a mess too.
Our families reveal that there is a real need for a perfect parent - that loves us enough to live and die for us - you already know that parent. All of his kids are messed up - but He will present us "cleaned up" one day -- until then, we will only see more and more of imperfection in our biological and ecclesiastical families! Ken
Pastor Cross,
Thank you for encouragement. I am afraid of the emotions I feel right now. I hope these are all normal in the grieving process. I can't thank you enough for staying in WV with us. It brought me great comfort.
I have always felt close to God but just don't feel that right now. I feel like all the progress I have made in my relationship with Christ has been lost some how. Maybe it is Christ just moving me closer to VICTORY from my past.
Thanks again! Please keep me in your prayer as I fumble my way through.
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