Siblings

Siblings.....Can't live with them. Can't live without them. Or can I? Sonderella may not want to read this entry...Here is your warning!

The day after my dad died we had a blow up. I ultimately took the blame. Although it takes more than one to fight. I know emotions were running high. After all was said (lots of hurtful things) I was the only one who apologized. I won't re-hash the hurtful things that have pierced my heart or others, but I do wonder if I should even be a part of this family anymore. If I am the one who causes the trouble, then maybe I should be the one who stays away.

Historically my brother and I have not been getting along. He physically beat me up when I was 17 and just threatened to kill me in August 2007. Of course the blow up occurred because he wouldn't give me my spare key. (I find it weird that no one thought he was being an A*&^%&^ by with holding them) I had locked my keys in the van and my husband had fed-ex'd me another one. When I got "hateful" all heck broke loose. Maybe I should have laughed it off, but I had been so stressed (and PMS'ing)about everything that happened in the last 24 hours so I couldn't find laughter. My brother is a bully and not a single one of my sisters will stand up to him ever! I am just "stupid" enough to stand up to him.

I have come to the conclusion that my brother and I will never get a long. I think the thing that bothers me the most is the things my sisters said...if they really think or feel all the things they said then maybe I should stay away. If I am that much trouble they would all be better without me! I love my sisters but do not want to be trouble to them.

Even at the funeral services it was obvious that we are two different families. The 3 older kids and then the twins....I guess we were raised as two families so we will never be one!

My dad's death has been hard in many different ways as you can tell from this post. Not only do I feel like the trouble maker but am facing my own mortality. We need to write a will...what will my kids do if something happens to me and their dad......