Good Riddance 2008!

The pictures above show my "giddy delight" at the end of this year! I am kissing it good riddance! :o)

E-mail from my Mother in Law about my Father in Law

Greetings everyone. I haven't updated much about Larry (father in law), but he is still sleeping. We do have concern about the fact that he has not woke up. Although we have been told another man slept for 3 weeks following the procedure. I will attach an e-mail from Elaine (mother in law).

Update on Larry

Dear Family and Friends,

Larry is doing a little better. Praise the Lord! Every little change is encouraging! They canceled the CT Scan. Hallelujah! He raised his right arm a little bit by himself and he moved his shoulders. For some reason he likes to wiggle his nose....like a bunny....it looks cute.

I want to thank those of you who have sent back encouraging words. They have been a blessing. I keep reminding myself that God is in control and He has a purpose for everything. He also promised to NEVER leave me or forsake me. Praise His Name Forever! That doesn't mean I don't have some "down" times. But because of your prayers, I am able to lift my head and continue to trust in the Lord. He is Good....all the time!!!

Until next time,

Love ya,

Elaine

We appreciate all your prayers.

New Beginnings

I know my last post was pretty negative, but I must say I am so thankful we get a new beginning with the new year. This year 2009 is like a seed. A mystery seed. I don't know what kind of year it will grow into until December 31, 2009. That is refreshing! I hope you will come along for the ride.

2008 has kicked my teeth out!

We saw Larry on Saturday, Dec 20 and Sunday the 21st. He was doing well the the Ballon Pump. It is called a Intra-aortic Ballon Pump. He had to lay flat on his back until his surgery on Monday. He had the LVAD put in (aka Left Ventricular Assist Device). This procedure is a "bridge to transplant". He was in surgery for about 12 hours. The doctor spoke to us. He was very honest about the situation with Larry. He would not have lived for two more weeks without the surgery. His chest was left open.... I can't imagine. He was having bleeding and the doctor needed to watch the right side of the heart to make sure it continued to function. He had surgery again on Wednesday, Christmas Eve, to close his chest. He remained under anesthesia until Friday. On Saturday morning all sedation was removed around 9 O'Clock. He is still sleeping. It is Monday, December 29th and he is still sleeping. I am a worried. I saw him yesterday. I pray he wakes soon. He can't be placed on the transplant list until he recovers from this surgery.

The year 2008 did not turn out the way I expected it to last New Year's Eve! I would not have imagined it would have held so much pain, grief and suffering. I am normally a very positive person. However, this year has "knocked" it right out of me. I do not deal with depression so I truly feel for those in my family that does deal with depression. I do not know how they have survived this year. For those of you who have followed my blog you know the sorrows we have seen. For those of you who are new... a few of them.... the biggies.... my dad's illness and death, Sophia's injury, and now Larry... my Father in Law. Okay, enough of the "pity tree". The positive..... Larry is able to have this kind of care. It seems strange that so much can be done to save his life. He is a Veteran so he is getting his care through the VA hospital in Richmond. I am thankful for his care!

Looking forward... I would love to tell you I expect 2009 to be a better year.... but alas I do not. We have a long road ahead with Larry. I pray he gets his heart transplant soon. As my dad has said for years.... " I've seen it go like this for days and then get worse."

I will try to be more positive from this post forward... no matter how badly I feel. I feel as though life has "kicked me in the teeth".


My dad also said.... "count your blessings instead of your sorrows". I pray I can do better at that in 2009.

Merry Christmas!

Vacation

I don't want to seem like I am down in the dumps. I just don't like changes. This year has been a major turning point in our lives. This year is just different than any other which impacts me.

We are going on vacation over Christmas. We have done this for the last two years. This will be our third year. This is the first year we don't have family joining us. For this reason or that it didn't work out.... thus my post yesterday! ( Lynn, thank you so much for your prayers for Larry! We can use them!) The pictures above are from the two previous years.

I can really use the relaxation! I know it seems crazy to vacation over Christmas, but it is one of the times we all have off from work and school. We can count on this week no matter what school the kids go to (year round or traditional). It has changed the traditions we do, but it is worth it. The place we go has an indoor water park, tubing and skiing (just to name a few). We haven't taken the kids skiing yet because of the lack of snow, maybe this year.

We have invited a family we are friends with to join us. The husband is in school and this will be a great break for them. They are joining us for a few days at the end of the week.

Vacation here I come!!

Par for the year!

The above picture is from 2003. Wasn't Khi so cute? I miss those chubby cheeks!

Christmas this year is not going to include a single person from my family. It has been a really unusual year. I will miss them all.

We invited them to come to the ski resort this year, but with everything going on none of them can make it. Just par for the year this year.

Larry (Father in law) had a ballon pump put in his heart today. It is to sustain him until he can have the mechanical pump put in on Monday. The doctor said his heart is deteriorating quickly. We will go see him tomorrow and spend some time with Elaine (Mother in law). She has been by herself for two weeks. I am glad we are able to go support her.

We will spend the week at the resort. I am so needing the relaxation. I haven't worked either day off, so I will take some work with me. I have to if I am going to be done by the time the semester starts.

Merry Christmas!

Changes are bittersweet for us

I thought the pig in the above picture was so cute. I took this picture at the state fair. It reminded me of my sisters.

This morning I walked Biz to the bus. As I was walking back to the house, I realized how many changes we have gone through this year. I know....I know.... I am not supposed to reflect on the year 2008 until after Christmas! I just couldn't help it. We have had bitter and sweet! As you have followed this blog through the year you already know that!

Some of the changes you may not have known are.... no more YMCA before and after school care.... no more track out care... we are a traditional year now... the kids ride the bus... they never did that before.... living in our new house... so close to everything.... 1 mile from Joel's office.... even closer to the kids school.... a mile and half closer to my job.... making payments on two houses and not going into crisis.... instead of visitors saying "this is the smallest house ever" ( yes someone actually said that about our old house) they are saying things like "boy you really moved up" and "wow" (yes they really say those things too).... we just crack up! God is so faithful and people are so funny!

I spent the day with Khi.... he has been sick. I think he is officially better. He will go back to school tomorrow. He has missed most of the week. It was a nice day. I even made a few treats. I made my "homemade" sugar cookie dough. It has to be refrigerated for at least 8 hours. I will make cookies with the kids soon.

The changes have been bitter sweet.... I wonder what Daddy would think about our new house? Joel's Dad is not well now. He is in the hospital being tested for a heart transplant. We are praying for him. The transplant could be a year off once he is approved. We pray he is approved and his heart holds out until he gets the new one. We will go see him in Richmond on Sunday. We will deliver a new robe and slippers. Necessary items for a hospital visit that could last 6 weeks. If he gets the "mechanical pump" put in he will be in the hospital 6 weeks. If this happens he will go to high priority. We will continue to pray for God's mercy. Thinking about a possible transplant is bittersweet. Someone else has to lose their life to save Larry. Bittersweet! Selfishly we are not ready to lose the only Dad and Granddad we have left!

Sophia is doing well. The family hasn't been restored yet, but a new lawyer has been appointed. The next hearing isn't until sometime in March. That is a long time off, but God is faithful. The new lawyer really is working to restore things. The last lawyer was running for public office and very distracted, so the change is good. We are blessed she has done so well and hasn't lost any toes. All the action at Mom's house is good.... it distracts Mom.

WE ARE BLESSED! Truly blessed.

I think often about my Dad's death. It is the normal life cycle. A little more than two years ago a young boy the age of Biz died unexpectedly. His death has forever impacted us. As the kids have been sick the last week each of them asked if the other was going to die. He was almost 9... I think a few hours short of his birthday. His visitation and funeral was the first experience my kids had with death. It helped us when Daddy died because they knew what to expect, but as I said... it impacts them through fear when illness hits. I can't imagine his mother and father's pain. It has to be so much harder to face the death of their only son than the death of my father. I still pray for this family. I pray often for them. I pray I never forget them when I pray! I admire them. They have appeared to be strong! Stronger than I think I could be.

We are Blessed! Blessed beyond what we deserve!

Thermometers

Here is my collection of thermometers. I use them as examples when I teach my students how to do vital signs. I think I have almost every kind possible. I know there are a few I don't have... one is the pacifier thermometer.

I have had them out for the last week. It has made me realize how "prepared" I really am. LOL!

It has been hard with the kids being sick. I hate being a working mom when the kids are sick. I enjoyed my time with them when I was an at home mom. I am just glad to be on Christmas break now. I can actually stay at home with my sick one! Joel took him to the doctor today. He just has a virus. He had a 104.1 degree fever last night. Pneumonia is going around the school, so it was time to have him checked!

I know... random post.

I am Thankful to be on Christmas Break!

Icky Viruses

Nursing sick kids is not fun. We have gone from one of the kids having a "stomach" virus to the other one running a pretty high temperature. We heard today that pneumonia is going around at school, so if tomorrow still holds a fever.... off to the doctor we will go. I am down to my last day of the semester tomorrow. I still have a lot of work to get completed prior to my break, but I have brought it home. I may just work over the break. I will be the course director for 3 courses next semester. We are still short a faculty member and it is making it very busy! Let me just say.... I am THANKFUL for my job.

Joel's office had some layoffs, so we are THANKFUL for his job also. :o)

God is good!

I understand there is a nasty "trojan" virus in the computer world. My MIL had it on her computer. I am THANKFUL for our MAC. You know.... they don't catch viruses.

Tis the season for "icky viruses"!

What are your Christmas Traditions?

Above is our Christmas tree. One of the things we do is lay down on the floor and look up the middle of the tree. It is always so pretty to see it from that point of view..... I should have taken a picture of that. Oh well, maybe later. Try it. It is so much prettier if your tree is real and not artificial.

Another one of our traditions is that we only give three gifts to each child. Why? Well, there were three wise men and they each brought one gift. I know technically Jesus received lots of gifts, however we don't want over indulged children. Besides, who can really enjoy playing with more than three toys in any one given day. I have watched the children choose gifts for their list carefully. When Aunt Non (Sonderella) asked for a list she got one thing for each of them listed.... sorry Aunt Non! I know that doesn't make it easy... but they know they get one gift from you so they asked carefully! Ha ha ha! We have done the three gift rule for seven or eight years. It seems to be working.




The other thing we do is place a manger under the tree. Did you notice it in the first picture? Our manger is not beautiful. I have looked for a new one each year, but we have used this one for seven or eight years and now it has become sentimental to me. Why empty? Well my husband grew up and did not celebrate Santa. I did in my family and it was great fun. I spoke to one of my really good friends when we were having the "discussion" about having a Santa or not. And she shared some things with me that spoke to me, so I reluctantly agreed. Eleven years ago.... the Christmas I was pregnant for Elisabeth we had this discussion. His family had changed all of their traditions.... his dad threw out all the Christmas decorations and started celebrating Hanukkah .... no they are not Jewish! I told Joel we were going to have very confused children...... Jewish holidays with one set of grandparents and Santa with the other and something completely different at our house. Well, we decided they were going to be well rounded instead. We read a book "Santa are you for Real" which focuses on the real St. Nick and his reasons for giving gifts. The kids have never looked at another kid and ruined it for them... at least not when I can hear. We told them Hanukkah was the way Jesus celebrated the holidays when he was a boy before his birthday was the holiday christians celebrated. Now for the manger.... on Christmas morning.... baby Jesus is in the manger that has been empty, waiting for him. The kids would look for "baby Jesus" before they looked for their gifts! By the way, baby Jesus in not a doll that we play with..... he stays with our Christmas decorations. We feel like this has helped to bring the focus back to Jesus the reason for the season. I don't know if this will be a tradition my kids continue when they are grown, but I know that little clementine box that has been our manger for so many years will continue to sit under my tree. Please know.... our traditions are ours.... we did not take any of his families traditions or mine.... it was a compromise on both parts. I am pleased, but at the time.... I was unsure.

**Update on the Sell of the house**

The house did not sell. We were within a week of closing and the buyer got sick and spent weeks in the hospital. We were told she has a life threatening illness and her "co-signer" backed out. She was upset that she could not still purchase the house.

I have tried not to whine or worry. I have tried to rest in the Lord and know that he has a plan. His word says so! In the process I keep reminding myself none of what I have belongs to me..... it is all his! And in that.... the bills are all his too! I didn't realize how quiet I had kept it! I was not attempting to stop prayer for the sell of our house.... so forgive me and get back to praying! Please!?!

God is good!

The Christmas Party

I threw a Christmas party for the girls in Elisabeth's class at school because I am such a fun loving mother! LOL! It was a success I think. The girls all had a great time. We decorated gingerbread houses, did a gift exchange (white elephant) that I provided the gifts (duds) and played foosball on our newly acquired table. Thanks Uncle Aaron!

Okay, I am not really all that fun. I wanted to meet the little girls in her class. We had 7 of the 9 attend! They were all very nice girls. For those of you who don't know.... we started this new school in August. We left the school we have been so comfortable in since kindergarten! The kids have done super! Now if we could only sell the other house! God is paying the bills so I suppose it is up to him when he discards the second house!

On a side note.... Elisabeth had a stomach virus the last couple of days! NASTY little thing. I think she is officially over it!

Blessings to you! Enjoy your holiday parties! :o)

Quality Time

I don't know about you....but this does not equal quality time to me!

Cookie disaster

I was baking cookies for the Christmas party coming up. They were awful. I usually make homemade cookie dough, but this time I was trying to use store bought. The store bought dough doesn't bake the same as my homemade dough. They looked awful! I ended up buying cookies instead! Oh well. I will make homemade dough when I don't feel so rushed. Sugar cookies are my all time favorite to make, cut, bake and decorate. It was not fun with store bought dough! Making sugar cookies has been one of our traditions for years. NOW.... if I could just find that recipe in all the boxes still left to unpack from the move in August! Hahahahahahaha!

I hope your cookie baking turns out better than mine!

My Christmas Decorations are up

**Disclaimer** The tree pictured above is not my Christmas tree, but I thought it was interesting!

We have a good portion of our Christmas decorations up. I must be crazy, but I am having a Christmas party for the girls at Elisabeth's new school. I thought it would be a way to meet the girls, since I haven't met any of them. We are going to have fun. We are decorating ginger bread houses. So far we have 4 girls coming. We only invited 9. Not to bad to be the new girl.

I have a lot of preparations still. It should be fun. The rest of my weekend is supposed to be for shopping. I am supposed to shop with Sonderella on Saturday and my small group on Sunday. My small group is fifth thru eighth grades. It should be a fun, busy weekend!

Thanks Sonderella and Erin

My new header is from Sonderella and Erin. It is a festive look for a joyous season.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We have a lot to be thankful! Enjoy Thanksgiving and count your blessings. Someone wise used to tell me that all the time. I will please him and God and count my blessings and not focus on my sorrows. We all have "sorrows" but I know my blessings outweigh them.

Eat lots! Enjoy family and friends! :o)

Ken, if an ingredient is missing from the German Chocolate Cake..... it wasn't me! hehehehe I would like a piece though! We miss you and Lynn..... enjoy Sonderella! :o)

Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could
think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and
put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot,

I quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said


"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and
I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."

I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"



HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Our tongue and mischievous mouth

James 1:26 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society


26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

Proverbs 12:18 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society


18 Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.


Okay, here we go. One of my all time weaknesses is controlling my tongue. I didn't realize until tonight that my religion (salvation) is worthless if I can NOT control my mouth! This is really scary to me. I pray the Holy Spirit will keep his hand securely placed over my lips! Words can shoot out of my mouth without a single thought about what is shooting out! Not to everyone, but to the ones I love the most (my family)! How does that happen? Lack of self-control.... that is one of the fruits of the spirit!

So, as I was coming to this realization God showed me something else. The kids were talking about the tongue today. The tongue taste four different flavors. Sweet, salty, sour, and bitter. Look at the diagram above and take note of the location of each flavor area. Sweet is on the end. Close to our lips. Our words should be sweet. They should bring healing, not pierce like a sword. Now look at bitter. It is on the back, close to the throat. If we swallow bitterness it will root in our hearts and our beings. If we let that bitter root grow we will never live in victory. The victory granted to us by Jesus and his death on the cross!

I am only human, but will not use that as an excuse. I must be "salt and light" to those around me. Controlling my tongue and mouth is just one of those ways.


On a lighter note.... if bitter and sour were on the end instead of sweet and salty I would weigh a lot less because I would eat less sweet and salty foods! How many of you eat a sweet and then need a salty or vise versa?

I pray your week is filled with words that are sweet and bring healing and I pray the Holy Spirit firmly plants his hand over my lips!

Blessings to you and yours. Find something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!


Ken, did you get my e-mail with the German Chocolate Cake recipe? I wasn't sure I had your e-mail address correct. If not let Sonderella know and I will forward it thru her.

The roses from my garden

I hurried outside when I got home last night to try to save the roses from my garden. You see we had snow flurries earlier in the day. The picture above are the ones I thought were going to be enjoyable for a few days. Who knew I could grow or keep roses alive? Amazing! I collected over a dozen!

We are sending a few to Malakhi's teachers today. :o)

I walked more than 2 miles today!

I walked a couple of miles today. It felt good. It was cool and crisp.

While I walked I prayed. I realized how much my dad was the glue that held the family together. It still amazes me how he was such a quiet, stabilizing, gentle force. I miss him terribly.

I am having a difficult time dealing with the holiday's this year. We are supposed to go home to WV to visit my husband's family. I want to make the trip short. Why? I can tell you it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. I want to be home to decorate for Christmas. Traffic is always bad from WV. I want a day to rest. I want to come home on Friday, rest and get ready for the week on Saturday. Sunday is always busy. Elisabeth has Cotillions and we have small group that evening. I wished Joel understood. He just doesn't. He wants to run the whole time. I am always so tired to go back to work on Monday. I think it does have a little to do with my malfunctioning family. I feel like an orphan. I don't have a home to go to. If you know my family and the turmoil right now you might understand that statement. If you don't understand and think I am being ridiculous, just pray for me. I can cry at the tiniest things. The wind, the leaves rustling, the mention of family. You name it.

I am trying to embrace the holiday's with a festive spirit. I am planning a Christmas party for all the little girls in Elisabeth's class at school. I think it will a good way to celebrate. I hope it is fun. I am planning some activities the girls should enjoy!

Walking was a good stress reliever today!

Tagged by Lynn

Here's how it works: I am supposed to pick up the nearest book with at least 123 pages, turn to the 123rd page, find the 5th sentence, and then post the three sentences immediately after that. "

Here we go .... The Dawes Act Converts tribal lands to individual ownership. The intent is to encourage Indian assimilation.
The result is a substantial reduction in lands owned by Native Americans.

The entry is referring to the date 1887 and is found in Lynne Cheney's book " A Time for Freedom."

Here is one of my soap box statements..... The indians were discriminated against and you don't see them with their handout and crying discrimination! Matter of fact.... I dare you to find out how many of them were killed and what their population is now in comparison to the 1800's! Enough of that! I will only cause people to interpret my statements incorrectly.

Thanks for the tag! I do love books!

Knowledge doesn't make life easier

I have been feeling rather melancholy lately. I think it is because the holiday's are upon us. Holiday's are supposed to be fun. I am completely aware of this. It is, however, the first holiday season without my dad.

Some of you know the story of my dad, but maybe not all the details. My dad was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the oral cavity. This diagnosis was after he had double by-pass and both carotids operated on. We found his first lesion on Thanksgiving day.... yet another reason this Thanksgiving will be hard. I hate to say especially for me, but I feel this way. You see I found his lesion at home in the living room. I kick myself over and over for not looking earlier. I missed the symptoms! I missed it! I know his doctor said it was found early, but obviously not early enough. I knew the whole time I was in dental hygiene school that my dad was high risk for this disease! I should have looked! I knew he wasn't seeing the dentist! No one was looking and neither did I! I know ultimately his death is not my fault, but I just miss him terribly! I had to teach my students to do this simple yet life saving examination today. I did not intend to share my story about daddy, but I cried as I was lecturing today! I blew it. I had to apologize and explain. I hope this class walks away understanding the importance of this simple, yet effective procedure. As I sat in the review class over the weekend I was reminded of the pathology side of this disease. I looked up some information too.


Merck.com
Prognosis
If carcinoma of the tongue is localized (no lymph node involvement), 5-yr survival is > 50%. For localized carcinoma of the floor of the mouth, 5-yr survival is 65%. Lymph node metastasis decreases survival rate by about 50%. Metastases reach the regional lymph nodes first and later the lungs.

Metastasis..... where does it go? Lungs, liver and bone. My dad had lung and liver cancer in the end. The second time the doctor diagnosed the oral cancer it was in the tonsil, the right tonsil. I knew at that point that we were all on borrowed time.

Okay, I am going to try to be "the cup is half full not empty". My dad did survive longer than the 5 years! He didn't have to have surgery that disfigured him. I am thankful for the additional years we had with him. My kids got to meet, know and love him. I will be forever blessed for that! It is just the first holiday season without him. Will it get easier? I hope and pray so. But today I know that knowledge doesn't always make life easier. At least not since the second diagnosis or even now!

God is still good and Daddy is resting at peace.

Thank you Joshua C. Poulsen

Below you will find a post from a Veteran who fought for our freedom. I am glad Joshua felt the freedom to use my blog to tell his story! I have the upmost respect for any veteran, young or old.



On the 11th Day of the 11th month each year, Americans come together to honor those in uniform, the ones who sacrificed for our nation, on Veterans Day. As a veteran of the Iraq and Afghanistan, War on Terror, I urge everyone to take this day to not just thank a veteran, but to talk with veterans. Learn about how our experiences have shaped our lives and what issues we face as we make our transitions back to civilian life. I would like to explain my side of the story, my own experience.

When I joined the military I was a young, confused kid, who did not know much about life, due to being sheltered for most of my life by my over protective parents. I did not know much about the war, just that I was enraged at the hatred those terrorists had for all Americans and me. I wanted to help my country, to protect it at all cost, even giving up my life to do so. It may sound funny but when I initially tried to enlist in the military, I was to be a military post-man, but the job had already been taken. Since I am color-blind, I wasn’t able to have a range of opportunities in the military. My placement was therefore in Mortuary Affairs Specialist. I felt that I grew up quicker in my years in service than most people do in their whole lifetime.

I was nineteen years old on February 8th, 2002. It was kind of cold for Phoenix as I reached the Airport headed to Fort Jackson, in South Carolina for basic training. Upon reaching Fort Jackson, referred by some in the service as relaxant Jackson, I found that the life I had chosen would not be as easy as I thought. Those first couple of days I got a hair cut, issued uniforms, and learned the waiting line for training was long. During this time, since 9/11, there was a mass influx of new recruits; the Army had problems finding them units to train in. For me I was lucky kind of, since I had a school date that did not come around very often, they tried to offer me another job, but I turn them down, I was shipped from Fort Jackson, then to Fort Lenderwood Missionary. The Ozark Mountains are cold and during winter, it was unbearable. It was an extreme change for me because I was mostly familiar with the hot weather in Phoenix, AZ. Exercising and running in extreme weather with being out shape was horrible. There was no special treatment for anyone but the drill sergeants made me work twice as hard. The treatment I received was something similar to a movie, where the fat kid got picked on and abused, but it was some thing I needed in order to become who I need to be. Despite this, I worked hard, did everything I was ordered to do, and eventually I graduated from boot camp with a new physique. During graduation, my fellow recruits honored me with “The Most Changed Person” reward, the Order of the Dragoon.

I was off to my next challenge, training for my MOS. When I reached Fort Lee, Virginia, I missed my start date and had to wait for the next one. This meant that I couldn’t get a pass to go anywhere; I had to just sit at the barracks, clean the floors, and do KP duty. After awhile this routine got incommodious. I was so happy on Memorial Day 2002, because the next day I was scheduled to start school. Then all of a sudden, I had horrible stomach pains, and could not figure what it was. So I was sent me off to the ER, the doctors initially diagnosed appendix problems. The one-hour surgery was then scheduled immediately, however it took five hours to complete. Apparently, my appendix had been ruptured for over a month including basic training. The surgeons said I am so lucky to be alive. I got a month off to recover and relax. When I got back to Fort Lee, I had to wait another month for class, so eventually when I got to school; I did my best to learn about my job and almost graduated at the top of my class. The reason why I did not graduate at the top of my class was due to my stomach muscles not fully recovering, which made doing sit-ups very hard. I did it because I wanted to join my unit at Fort Lee.

My feelings of excitement and wanting to serve were still in tact even after months of prolong waiting and recovery. In order to be all that I could be, to be the best, I exceed my own abilities by 120%. The mindset I had, came a long way (physically from Phoenix and mentally from the first story I heard about the terrorist attacks), I had really changed for the better. In the first year, I received my first (minor) medal, the Army Achievement Medal. With this acknowledgement from the Army, I wanted to speed up my deployment overseas to Afghanistan, but that wasn’t going to happen until March 18th 2003. According to orders, my team that I was assigned to from my unit wasn’t schedule to arrive in Iraq first. Instead, I worked in the Theater Mortuary Affairs Evacuation Point, a place that went nonstop for the first three months.

Sleep was limited to when I did not hear a helicopter, and when body’s slowed down coming in. In the states I had worked at the Richmond Morgue, but war was different. Instead of just seeing some one you did not know in the states, in Kuwait you learn to know every one, due to them wearing the same uniform, and inventorying all their personal effects, you knew who they wear when they left. Not only was our job to process Americans, but we also helped process British, and any other Allies. During this time I saw the mistakes we made, such as shooting British helicopter down with Sam missiles, and killing Brazilin journalist when we hit the wrong building, during that time I saw the horrors that mankind was possible of. I start experiences, problems, and tried to seek medical help, but I was deferred and told I would be fine. My excitement had come to an end, and I start to get in trouble, pretty soon my 1st Sgt, thought that I was not experiencing enough of the war, so he sent me to the Iraq, Camp Alsad. In Camp Alsad, was slow, but became difficult. Some of the soldiers I ate with at the chow hall, and knew were head on a rest and relaxation mission, but instead of making it, their helicopter was shot down. My team had to go clean the site, recover the bodies, and inventory their belongings. Man life is tough, but even tougher if you know the people. There were two other tough missions. The first were, when three Special Forces soldiers had been killed, when they were given orders not to shoot into a crowd even if they were receiving fire, not only did we have to process their bodies, but we also had to process the bodies of the people who had killed them. We are mortuary affairs first, and as such we have a moral obligation not to look at uniform, or lack of one, but to look at the person and understand their journey had come to a end, and it was our job to treat them with respect because every one has family and friends that care for them, it was not are job to judge right or wrong, which is very hard. The second tough mission was when we went with a convoy head to a site, that they had reportedly killed Sadam Husain, but in fact the compound was filled with animals and women and children. I do not think the Air Force meant to kill them, they were trying to do there job in following cell phone singles, and when they split, they went after the most likely target. On this mission two things had happened. One back in Alsad I was having bad night terrors, but the person in charge of my team figured the answer was not sending me back, but instead was to put me on night duty, and to change the location I slept on, in the location I was, this almost spelled disaster for me and my friend, when I woke up and started to scream at the top of my lungs, the people sleeping around the truck react and were about to shoot in the back of the truck, when my Sgt yelled stop he is just dreaming, oh thank god. The second thing is as I stated before, we are trained to respect the dead, and their belongings. This did not transfer to the people there, instead they were ordered to bury everything, destroy all evidence and move on. That pretty much covers Iraq.

When I got back to the states, I faced many hardships under the care of the Army. I am like millions of other veterans dealing with mental and physical scars of war. Most Americans will never know about these issues because it is not covered in the news or articles. The Army has become a two-sided issue for me; it was once a place where I wanted to succeed at being a great solider and fight for our rights and our country. Now that I came home I am still fighting another battle, however, this fight, I fight alone. I am trying to cope with sudden flashbacks, traumatizing combat events, hyper-vigilance to the recurrence of danger, feelings of numbness, low self-esteem, rage, and lapses in concentration. All of these have caused me to descend in my quality of life. I thought the Army and my unit would continue to care for me, treat me as a fellow solider, and assist me with finding resources for coping and healing. However, this was not the case, my unit classified me as a troublemaker, an unfit solider. As a result, they discharged me out of the Army abruptly without taking responsibility for the causes of my PTSD illnesses. Like other soldiers, I tried to reach out for help but once the system failed, I tried to commit suicide twice during my service. Luckily, both times, one of my few friends stopped me. This incident put me in a mental hospital involuntarily, where they doped me up on strong medicines, and no one cared to seek the reasons behind the action. I wasn’t allowed to receive my care at the Army hospital, because if procedures were followed, there would have been a long investigation and no one wanted to take the time to take care of their wounded soldiers with PTSD. Instead, I was discharged immediately with personality disorder. This seems to be the common practice for the Army, not just in my case but also 20,000 other veterans. At 5 P.M. September 16, 2004, my last official orders from the Army were, TO GET OUT!! Heavily medicated, I received my car keys, and was told to drive over 5000 miles, all the way home to Phoenix, Arizona. My feelings that proscribed afterwards are indescribable.

Even though I am still in my own body, this whole experience has shaped my life. Following my physical return home to Phoenix, AZ, I, however, didn’t return home with my state of mentality. My homecoming wasn’t what I imagined, that is because it was based on tv and movies I’ve seen about returning soldiers as hero’s. I became hospitalized time and time again.

Don’t worry, my story gets better and does have a great beginning. This new chapter in my life begins with the chance meeting the love of my life, my wife. With her continued support, I am able to handle some things on my own. A great support system, love, understanding, and patience, is what I think all soldiers should have and receive upon their return home. After all, the important issue is that we are all humans! With the good and the bad, we will always have our memories.

So on this Veterans Day and every day the best way to honor our veterans is to connect with them. So please remember and honor our fellow humans, our veterans. Without recognition from our family and friends, it doesn’t seem like all of our efforts make a difference. Many of us new veterans are being left behind, we have honored you by defending your rights, and all we ask is to welcome us home.

Sincerely,
Joshua C. Poulsen
Iraq and Afghanistan Veteran

I love Maxine!

She is right.... there is more of my "butt" each year to save! Thanks for saving it! :o)

Veterans Day Thank you!

This is just a simple "Thank you" to all who have served our country. Thank you to my father-in-law, Larry! Many have served and many have died for our freedom.

Freedom is not free!

Don't forget to thank a veteran today!

I miss my mom!

I miss my mom. I talk to her on the phone everyday. Since Sophia got injured and moved in mom's house I haven't talked to her as much. I have still called, but she has become a woman of few words. Let's just say....things have been tough around there. So tough that mom has gone to my brother's house. Let's call him "the big bad wolf".



I know, I know.... how terrible of me! If you have followed my blog for very long you will understand. I just can't call my mom. I don't call my brother's house when mom isn't there so I won't call when she is there. I told mom I would let her do the calling, but I really miss her. I haven't talked to her for over 5 days. I can't remember the last time I went that long without talking to her. It has been at least over 10 years! I guess this is preparation for the future.

But..... I miss my mom!

Ever feel like this?

I spent the weekend with the second year students at a board review. I sat for hours and listened to material I should have known. I had to dust some of the information off as it emerged from it's 20 year old spot in my brain. It is amazing how much information we "forget" that we once knew! I had a good time, but came home exhausted.

Why do I sleep so badly in a hotel? I never rest well. I had a great room mate! She sleeps so quiet! I will share a room with Kim any day of the week! She is a great co-worker, roomy and friend!

I just felt so tired this morning! I even napped yesterday when I got home.

Did you vote?

Did you vote? If you choose not to vote then you have no right to complain about politics, taxes, laws and the way our country runs! Your vote counts! The right to vote has been granted, so exercise it! I would also encourage you to know who you are voting for and what they stand for. I say that after hearing someone say they didn't know what judges to vote for so they voted for all the women. I think that is a scary way to choose! So, go out and vote smart!

Maxine on Halloween

Happy Birthday Larry

Larry is my father in law. They just visited with us a few weeks ago, this picture was taken then. He has been in the hospital (ICU) every since. He is in congestive heart failure (at 62 today). He had his first heart attack at 45. He has been sick for our entire marriage. He will be transfered to Richmond to see if he can have a heart transplant.

We are not ready for another parent to die. It has just been 6 months since my daddy died.

Happy Birthday Mom aka Old Sow 1025

Another mile stone without my dad! You know Sondie wrote that Daddy always had her heart, but I have to say I have always been a "mommies girl". Let's keep this happy..... my mom is 69! She was a strong woman who taught me to work hard and never quit~what would I do with her? Where would I be without her?

Thanks mom for all you have been to me! :o)

An Old Maxim

I was reading a book ( The valley of secrets by Charmian Hussey) and read "an old maxim" that I like! Okay, let me show my ignorance here. I first wondered what is "an old maxim"?

www.yourdictionary.com

maxim (mak′sim)
noun
a concisely expressed principle or rule of conduct, or a statement of a general truth

Adjective modifier
old: Actions louder than words The old maxim about actions speaking louder than words also applies here.

Okay, that much makes sense......now the old maxim said

"A trouble shared is a trouble halved."

Who was the first to use this maxim? I searched Answers.com to find this information and a lady named Dorothy Sayers was the name listed.

This maxim was included in the book she wrote in 1931 called "The Five Red Herrings" (sorry I am not good at referencing this information correctly with underlining and italics with this posting in blogger and I don't do my post off line so please forgive the errors and look for the meat of the post). Back to the point Dorothy L. Sayers (1893-1957) was known as a renowned British author, translator and Christian humanist. She was also a student of classical and modern languages. She is best known for her mysteries, a series of novels and short stories set between World War I and World War II that feature English aristocrat and amateur sleuth Lord Peter Wimsey. However, Sayers herself considered her translation of Dante's Divina Commedia to be her best work. She is also known for her plays and essays. ( Wikipedia.com )

I was really interested in this "maxim" because it rings true. If we share a burden with someone else it always feels less heavy to carry! We need friends to help us through this life! One of the hardest things about moving from WV to NC was leaving the people who prayed with me and helped to "half my troubles". I still find myself calling on them in spite of the distance. My friends there were godly people who prayed with me (notice I didn't say for me). I think the important thing about sharing our trouble is that we share them with someone who will take us back to the truth of the Bible! To provide "godly counsel" based on that truth and lastly to pray (petition) the Heavenly Father!

We have been in NC for over 8 years and I still haven't found those people. No fault of the people here.... my life is just so different than in WV. I am a mom who works full time. I have been the stay at home mom and the working mom, so I don't want to take sides, they both have difficulties! There are definite battle lines drawn between these two groups. Judgement heaped by the bucketfuls! I don't want to judge either group because I have been in both. Here is my opinion.... Stay at home moms get no respect. They are expect to do everything for their families, neighborhoods and church. They all say "that mom wouldn't have to work if they would learn to do without." As for the working moms.... they wallow in huge amounts of guilt for not being able to "keep their homes in order" and missing activities of their children. They are so busy they don't make time for friends and taking care of themselves. They deal with guilt and ask themselves what to "do without" to be at home. Women allow the enemy to divide us by picking on one another. Women can be so caddy and relentless! I did have some very supportive friends who prayed me thru going back to work and I appreciate them very much (Julie and Suzanne your the best). There is my tangent and opinion. I hope you aren't offended. Remember it is just an opinion, before you lash out at me think about the things you have heard women say about one another!

As for me: I now have a new book to read. I want to read "The five red herrings". And I want to continue to share my trouble to half it!

Quote

"Eating Spaghetti with a spoon is like brushing your teeth with a wrench!" Malakhi Smith



Yes, you read that right! My 8 year old son came up with that quote! Such wisdom!

I laughed so hard! Where does he come up with this stuff?

This is what drinking too much will do for you!

I got this picture on e-mail and laughed! Enjoy your laugh!

Fall Break is here!

I am officially off work for a couple days. It is a bitter sweet time. I was supposed to be on my annual sister trip, but alas, with all the turmoil going on the trip has been canceled. Sondie and I have figured we have it easy in the grand scheme of things, but still feel the disappointment of our first trip ever to be canceled.

I have had many people tell me how great it is that my sisters all take time for each other to do an annual trip! It is wonderful. But it takes me back to why we started these trips. My dad! Plain and simple. When my dad first got sick, Elisabeth was 6 months old, it was such a hard time for my mom that we (the sisters) decided to take her away on a trip. Our trips started with the OLD SOW! Old sow 1025! It was so good for my mom. We continued to go with old sow 1025 for a few years. Then she couldn't physically go anymore so the trips became the four of us. We have needed each other over the last several years. For lots of reasons really. On our first trip, old fat hog 1 was in the middle of her divorce after 20 years of marriage to a tyrant and old fat hog 2 was told she was going to be a grandmother prematurely. We became the old fat hogs on that trip. Why? Well, #1 was having hot flashes and had gained a lot of weight while going through the divorce and she made a comment about being an "old fat hog"! It stuck. We got our numbers by birth order!

The disappointment this year is we can't go! We really needed a time to love, support and grieve our daddy's death. I have been doing well in the grand scheme of things, but the last 2 weeks have been difficult. I am not sure why. It came out of the blue. A new season? Mom's birthday coming? The tragedy of Sophia's accident? I would give one of my front teeth to talk to my dad. (That is saying something when you are a hygienist!) I have never gone for 6 months without talking to my dad! I need his wisdom he so gently spoke without being controlling! He was the most gentle man I know! I MISS MY DAD!

Instead of spending time with my sisters I will be spending time with my in-laws. They are lovely people, so don't misunderstand me. It just reminds me of my own lack of a dad! My father-in-law is not well so we need to spend time with him. He is soon to be 61 and has only 16% cardiac output and is in congestive heart failure. He has been worked up for a transplant, but has not been put on a transplant list. WHY???? I suppose he isn't sick enough yet. I will enjoy my visit with them, but will grieve the loss of my trip with the "OLD FAT HOGS"!

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I haven't fallen off the earth! Just been crazy and busy!

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord Sophia is home from the hospital. Home is my mom's house right now. She still has a long road ahead of her but she is on the road to recovery!

The legal battle has just begun, but that will be easier now that we know Sophia is on the mend.

Surgery is scheduled

Good Afternoon special prayer warriors,

I first want to say "Thank you" again for storming the gates of Heaven on Sophia's behalf. My entire family appreciates you!

Sophia has had to be given blood this week. She will be given blood again prior to surgery. I do not know the time of the surgery but I know it will happen on Tuesday unless God miraculously heals her. They will take donor skin from her thighs to repair her feet. Pray for better pain control for her. Pray for my sister. She is soooo tired. She has been at the hospital for 16 days straight. She has neglected her own needs and served Sophia selflessly. She is completely exhausted. I am worried about her.

The hearing for Sarah (the mom) is sometime on Monday. We aren't sure what will come of that either. Pray for Ben. He is such a new Christian and this has been very difficult.

Donna continues to care for my mother, Maddie and Faith. She is working full time and has a lot on her as well. My sister Sondie and I are so far away we are of no use to them. We continue to pray and intercede for them all.

I want you to know that we are not defeated. We are Victorious in Christ. We see God's fingerprints all over this situation. He will continue to be faithful and direct us as a family. We have continued to seek God's healing for Sophia. Her feet and toes have been preserved! Praise the Lord! We thought she was going to lose them all, but Praise God she is not going to lose them. He is FAITHFUL!

God Bless you all!

Susan

Tagged! Thanks Sonderella!

Here are the rules:

1. Post the rules on your blog
2. Write six random things about yourself
3. Tag six people at the end of your blog
4. If you are tagged, just do it and pass the tag along




1. The picture is me and the watermelon I grew. I like to plant and grow things. I used to grow tomatoes, strawberries, grapes, and this tiny watermelon. My strawberries and tomatoes were the best. The roses out front of my new house might survive. My dad had a green thumb. He could grow anything. He grew an apple tree from an apple he and I ate. It is planted at the house we are about to sell. We are supposed to move it. I pray this happens. He also grew a lemon tree from a seed. Sonderella has it.



2. As a kid we had farm animals. My fifth grade teacher gave me and Sonderella chickens for our birthday. I got a rooster and Sondie got a hen. My roosters name was "Philip Diller" because he had feathers on top of his head that looked like Phyllis Diller's hair! He was black and white. We had cows, chickens, turkeys, geese, ducks, sheep and pigs of course. Not all at the same time though.

3. I used to like to sing to the turkeys because they would look up at me. I would sing the song "Dream" by the Everly Brothers. I know this is weird! I actually put this in print! LOL! The funny thing is we had some great turkey dinners! They were the yummiest ever! I know kids today would not think of raising and eating the same animal. It was that or not have turkey.

4. I am a dental hygienist and the joke of the family is: "I hated to brush my teeth and probably never did!" This is proven in the nickname my beloved Sonderella gave me and every kid on the bus started calling me. To say the least, I came home crying that day! The nickname.....dare I share it..... "Susie Sewer". Boy, that was hard to type! Did it correct my lack of dental hygiene....NO! That came with age and education. I am pleased to say I still have my teeth. LOL!

5. I am a teacher. I teach dental hygiene. Why does this matter? I hated school! I was a very bad student!

6. In spite of hating school I was the first college graduate of my family. I graduated with my bachelor degree from WVU in a record four years. My Bachelor of Science even. Once I found a field of study I loved I did very well.

I guess from reading this you can see I "bloomed" late! I am supposed to tag people, but don't know who to tag. I don't think Ken or Lynn have been tagged (if so ignore my tag) maybe Jules (if you are still reading).

Be Blessed today!

Ahhhhhhhhh it's Friday!

Enjoy your Friday! :o)

Sophia's surgery was postponed!

Sophia's feet are healing. Praise the Lord they are healing well enough that the doctor wants to give another week before doing surgery! God is Good! We are continuing to pray that she continues to heal completely without surgery! We are also praying for her hemoglobin counts. It has dropped to 9 and if it drops any further then Soph will need blood. This is happening because she isn't eating!

Thanks prayer warriors! God is Great and Greatly to be praised! :o)

Cutie Pie Piggy

Another update from Sonderella

Monday, September 22, 2008
Court Date

The court date for Ben's wife Sarah is Sept. 29. They are making criminal charges against her, so we are expecting prison time. The courts will also decide that day whether to leave the children in foster care with my sister Donna. We have no reason to suspect they won't leave the kids with her. The kitchen floor was repaired this weekend (Thank you mighty man Joel!)

We do not know what this will all look like further down the road. We do know God is in the details (He even made sure Rose had her hormone patches...vital need!), and that He knows best for my family. Our ultimate prayer is that Rose and Chuck will be able to adopt the kids or that Ben will be able to get them back with his parents helping when he is out of town working. Rose and Chuck will need the ultimate home make over before they can be approved so please be in prayer about their living conditions.

Also pray as we navigate "the system". We have no experience with this and Donna is doing her best with trying to figure it out. Maddie the 10 month old will go to daycare today for the first time...pray for her, oh what changes she has had in her life the last few weeks. Pray for Donna and her very full plate.

Pray for continued healing for Sophie...what a very long road she has in front of her. Pray for Rose who will not leave the hospital until Sophie does. Pray for strength for my family. Pray for home renovations if this is God's plan for the children. Pray for Sarah and Ben, they are so young to be facing such obstacles.

Thanks for the prayers. I think my family has used up our quota this year, but I appreciate how many people have loved us through it all...more than you may ever know.

We will continue to praise Him in the storm!

Originally posted by Sondie

Blessings, Power and Strength

As much as my family has been fighting a battle we are still blessed! We need to be thankful for the blessings we have had over the last week.

We still have Sophia! That is a huge blessing! She has been fighting the good fight. We do have new skin growing. PTL! We are praying for no infection, and super natural amounts of skin to reform on her feet. We have had some bleak news. She will not walk for a least a year. She will continue to need surgeries until she is about 17. But she is going to have some skin grafting done this week. We need to pray the grafting takes or she could still lose her feet and toes.

We have Faith and Maddie with family! That is a blessing. All three of the kids are wards of the state but my sister has become their "foster" care. Thank God they are with people who love them and not strangers!

Mom's kitchen floor has been repaired (another blessing). Joel and his friend Aaron fixed my mom's floor this weekend. It is the first project at my mom's house since daddy died. Joel said he felt like Daddy was there at the house watching over him. This is the first time Joel has spent any time in the house since Daddy died. I know when I visited there was this overwhelming feeling that Daddy was still at the house. I know it sounds weird. I thought it was my way of dealing, but now that I hear Joel say the same thing it makes me wonder if Daddy really is looking over us all!

Ben (Sophia's daddy) and Sarah (Sophia's mommy) have both prayed for Jesus to be their savior! HUGE BLESSING! It is going to be a long road but with God all things are possible.

We are within a month of closing on our house! Another big blessing. We are officially under contract!

Pastor Chad talked about sustaining strength for some of our battles and supernatural power for others. Well, we need a supernatural touch for Sophia. And sustaining strength for the family.

Rose has been that strength for Sophia. She has not left the hospital for the last 9 days. I worry about her. How long can she do this? Well, today I know God will give her sustaining strength to be there for this innocent baby.

God is faithful and he directs our paths. I don't know at this minute how this will all work for the good of my family, but I don't doubt for a minute that when we get down the path a ways that we will see exactly how this has worked for good. I trust God completely!

WE ARE BLESSED!